I have to do something today that I'm really, really dreading. I have to call the mail-order pharmacy to arrange the first shipment of my new medication. It's called Betaseron, and it's supposed to slow the progression of MS, lessening the frequency and severity of attacks.
Last week a lady from the pharmacy left me a voice-mail. She said the insurance has approved it and everything is in order, so all I have to do is call back to arrange shipment. That was last Tuesday. Today is Monday. It's not that I have forgotten to call. Quite the contrary, actually. It has been constantly on my mind, but I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it. I guess it's a form of denial, like once I actually start on the meds, it's acknowledging that this is real and I can't get away from it.
Besides the denial part, there are also the side-effects to worry about. About half the people who take this medication (and most of the other MS drugs) experience flu-like symptoms including fever, chills and body aches. Fatigue and depression are also very common side-effects. I'm praying that I fall into the OTHER half, but it certainly doesn't make me eager to start injecting myself every other day with stuff that has the potential to make me feel rotten!
It probably sounds ridiculous, but right now I think I'm more afraid of the medication than I am the disease. But it's time to get tough and be brave, because I know that fear is really a lack of trust in the Lord. As faithful as he has been to me, how can I not trust him now? So the promise of Jeremiah 17:7-8 is one to which I will cling:
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
Time to go green...I'm off the make the call.
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