Hello blog, my dear old friend! It has been way too long since I have spent any time with you. But I'm happy to be back, and so glad you are there for me!
So, it is finished. The book of John in 31 weeks. It's only a 21-chapter book, so you can just imagine how in-depth this study was. That's Bible Study Fellowship for ya. If you have never heard of it or you've heard of it but have never done a BSF study, I strongly encourage everyone to look into it. Even if you have done lots and lots of Bible studies and think you know all there is to know about the Bible, you will be amazed and humbled at how much you really don't know!
Now that it's over, I am challenged to reflect on the past 31 weeks and figure you what I'm supposed to do with what I have learned. It's funny, but I think for me the whole thing boils down to what I came away with in the very last chapter. I mean, God certainly spoke to me throughout and I learned so very much. But most of all, I have to say that I have been humbled.
Let me tell you why. If I had to compare myself to Peter or John, I would've normally said John--a little more quiet, a little more reserved, though nonetheless passionate in his faith and love of Jesus. But God has opened my eyes to see that I have really been more like Peter was before Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit came to dwell within him and set his heart and mouth ablaze for the Lord.
All through the four Gospels, I saw a sense of arrogance about Peter. For instance, what kind of show-off gets out of a boat in the middle of a storm to walk on water? Jesus let him do it, knowing full well what would happen. Peter got scared, took his eyes of the Lord and suddenly found himself fighting to keep his head above water, crying out to Jesus to rescue him. Talk about a humbling. I sadly realized I am that kind of show-off. No, I have never attempted to walk on water (although I used to love water-skiing (: ), but on more than one occasion I have been quick to place myself in "look-at-me" positions, only to suffer embarrassment when they didn't turn out the way I planned, or anger when I have been criticized. At times I wondered why God would even let me go through with those kinds of plans. Now I know. Arrogance needs to be humbled.
And what about Peter arguing with his Lord when Jesus told the disciples he would soon be killed? "Never Lord, this will never happen to you!" Jesus actually calls him Satan (Matt. 16:21-23)! How humiliated Peter must have been in that moment as he stood before the other disciples! Yet still, just hours before Jesus' arrest and crucifixion, Peter vows that even if all the other disciples fall away, he will follow Jesus even to death. Does he really think his faith and love for Jesus is that much better than everyone else's? Jesus lets Peter know on the spot that that very night, Peter would deny even knowing Jesus, not just once, but three times! After the third denial, when Peter realizes what he has done he weeps in bitter shame. But then, arrogance needs to be humbled.
Once again, I saw so much of myself in these stories. How often have I been so arrogant as to argue with God, or to take matters into my own hands when I think He is moving too slowly? And how quick have I been to judge the faith of other brothers and sisters in Christ? It makes me sick at heart to see my own attitude of superiority, as if I set the standard for others to live out their faith. In the different personalities of John and Peter, we see two men who loved the Lord Jesus, who did great things for Him in their own ways, and lived out the calling that God designed uniquely for them. That's all he wants from each of us as well.
And here's the thing that made me fall so much more deeply in love with Jesus. Even after having to continually put Peter in his place, He showers Peter with grace and edifies him before all the disciples. In John 21, Jesus asks Peter three times "do you love me?" Peter, now thoroughly humbled says "you know I love you." There's no "I love you more than anyone else," or "I love you enough to die with you and for you." Peter can't even bring himself to use the same form of the word love that Jesus uses, referring to agape or unconditional love. What he says, in effect, is "You know my heart and you know that I love you with the brotherly kind of love, and I get it now that that is really all I am capable of."
And Jesus, in his grace, accepts that love and gives Peter a ministry to feed and take care of Jesus' flock. He leaves Peter with a final reminder to just keep his eyes on Jesus, not to be distracted by others' faith journeys and ministries but to simply follow Christ.
Oh, what a lesson I needed to learn. In the last year I have felt so discouraged in ministry and placed a lot of blame where I shouldn't have. But God, in his love and grace for me, has allowed me to see the error of my ways. My arrogance needed a humbling. I am grateful.
