Just thought I'd do a quick update on my last post. Thanksgiving was GREAT! We had a total of 15 of us here to enjoy a scrumptious feast, and the weather was so picture-perfect that my sister, my niece and I even got to enjoy a nice outing on the walking trail afterwards to walk off some of those calories!
Our sweet friend Virginia and my parents really had a good time talking together since they all have ties to Richmond and Virginia Beach. They were able to chat about their high school days and people and places in common. I know that Virginia really enjoyed that and we were so happy to have her here with us.
We also got to hear some really great music. Three of the guitar players in the family all brought their guitars, so we had a couple of sing-alongs that everyone really enjoyed. I'm just glad we have enough good singers in the family that no one really has to hear my voice...it's ain't too pretty!
By the time it was all over, everyone was talking about what a wonderful Thanksgiving it had been and how much they had enjoyed themselves. I just couldn't help smiling and sending some praises to the Lord, because I know it was all his doing. Hospitality is not one of gifts, so I took a few minutes alone in my room that morning to invite the Holy Spirit to fill my home with His presence and to take a seat at our table. I asked him to help me be a good hostess and not a stressed-out control freak, and that there would be family harmony. I truly believe that He heard and answered all those prayers because the day just flowed, everyone seemed relaxed (including me), and we all had a wonderful time. That's a lot to be thankful for!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Me and Miss Virginia
For weeks I had been kicking myself over and over. I knew I should go and visit her, or at least pick up the phone, but for some reason I never did. I would think about it and then get busy or side-tracked, and then before I knew it another day had passed. So when my husband and I took our quarterly turn at serving Holy Communion in church last Sunday and my sweet friend Virginia reached out to dip her bread in the cup I was holding, I felt a mix of emotions welling up inside. Our eyes met and we both smiled, genuinely happy to see each other. But I couldn't escape the nagging feeling of guilt for neglecting her.
Miss Virgnia, as we often call her, is in her 80's and has been struggling with diabetes-related health issues, mainly with her feet. She has been hospitalized off and on, and occasionally has to spend weeks at a time in a rehab center. This is a woman who has always been so very active and involved, so I can't imagine how hard it must be for her to not be able to get out and about. I always miss her smiling face in church, so it was a joyous moment to see that she had returned and to be able to serve her Communion.
You would think after that I would have made sure to follow up with at least a phone call to let her know how glad I was to see her and how much I have missed her. Yet still, two days passed and I did not call. Instead, SHE called ME and said SHE was sorry for not getting in touch!
I couldn't believe it. I didn't know whether to feel better or worse! But at least we were able to catch up with each other. I even invited her to our house for Thanksgiving dinner, and better yet, she's coming!
I have so much to be thankful for, most especially the wonderful people that God has placed in my life. This year between Miss Virginia and all the family who will be here, I will get to enjoy Thanksgivining dinner with 13 of those wonderful people. I am truly blessed!
Miss Virgnia, as we often call her, is in her 80's and has been struggling with diabetes-related health issues, mainly with her feet. She has been hospitalized off and on, and occasionally has to spend weeks at a time in a rehab center. This is a woman who has always been so very active and involved, so I can't imagine how hard it must be for her to not be able to get out and about. I always miss her smiling face in church, so it was a joyous moment to see that she had returned and to be able to serve her Communion.
You would think after that I would have made sure to follow up with at least a phone call to let her know how glad I was to see her and how much I have missed her. Yet still, two days passed and I did not call. Instead, SHE called ME and said SHE was sorry for not getting in touch!
I couldn't believe it. I didn't know whether to feel better or worse! But at least we were able to catch up with each other. I even invited her to our house for Thanksgiving dinner, and better yet, she's coming!
I have so much to be thankful for, most especially the wonderful people that God has placed in my life. This year between Miss Virginia and all the family who will be here, I will get to enjoy Thanksgivining dinner with 13 of those wonderful people. I am truly blessed!
Friday, November 12, 2010
The Danger of Denial
So, how do you like my new look? It's been a while since I've posted, almost 6 months actually. I thought I would celebrate with a blog makeover. I especially liked this design because of all the bright colors. My old design was just brown, about as dull as I have been now for the last 6 or 8 months!
A conversation with a friend this morning caused me to give some thought as to why I haven't written in so long. The truth of the matter is that I have been in a funk, actually it has felt more like a hole, and I believe it all comes down to denial.
For a long time, this blog for me was all tangled up with my multiple sclerosis. My diagnosis almost three years ago was the driving force behind the blog in the first place. It was here that I could record my thoughts and emotions about it all, as well as all the ways that I experienced God's grace and presence and comfort.
Eventually though, I reached a point that I didn't want to think about MS anymore. I stopped researching it on the internet, pulled out of the chat rooms and even stopped taking my meds. (Don't freak out, Mom and Dad.) I started getting aggravated and abruptly changing the subject when well-meaning people would ask me about my health. I mean, why wouldn't I be fine? If I'm not experiencing symptoms and I'm not thinking about it, it's a non-issue, right? Finally, I rebelled against the blog, the place where God had always met me and helped me sort through so much of the junk. This had been a therapeutic place for me, and why would I need therapy if nothing is wrong? Time and again whenever something would happen and it would cross my mind to write about it, I refused to follow through.
The problem is that refusing to act on those little urges often equates to ignoring the leading of the Holy Spirit.
The Spirit gifts each of us differently and expects us to use those gifts to the glory of God and in ministry to others. Now that I am coming out of my funk I see that I have been neglecting my gift. Even though most people don't write comments, I know that God has used this little spot in cyberspace to touch the lives of others. There's much more joy in that than living in denial and hibernating in a hole!
So I'll close with the promise I made to God a couple of years ago out of my gratitude for the grace with which he has showered me: "As for me I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your salvation all day long--though I know not how to relate them all!" Psalm 71:14-15
A conversation with a friend this morning caused me to give some thought as to why I haven't written in so long. The truth of the matter is that I have been in a funk, actually it has felt more like a hole, and I believe it all comes down to denial.
For a long time, this blog for me was all tangled up with my multiple sclerosis. My diagnosis almost three years ago was the driving force behind the blog in the first place. It was here that I could record my thoughts and emotions about it all, as well as all the ways that I experienced God's grace and presence and comfort.
Eventually though, I reached a point that I didn't want to think about MS anymore. I stopped researching it on the internet, pulled out of the chat rooms and even stopped taking my meds. (Don't freak out, Mom and Dad.) I started getting aggravated and abruptly changing the subject when well-meaning people would ask me about my health. I mean, why wouldn't I be fine? If I'm not experiencing symptoms and I'm not thinking about it, it's a non-issue, right? Finally, I rebelled against the blog, the place where God had always met me and helped me sort through so much of the junk. This had been a therapeutic place for me, and why would I need therapy if nothing is wrong? Time and again whenever something would happen and it would cross my mind to write about it, I refused to follow through.
The problem is that refusing to act on those little urges often equates to ignoring the leading of the Holy Spirit.
The Spirit gifts each of us differently and expects us to use those gifts to the glory of God and in ministry to others. Now that I am coming out of my funk I see that I have been neglecting my gift. Even though most people don't write comments, I know that God has used this little spot in cyberspace to touch the lives of others. There's much more joy in that than living in denial and hibernating in a hole!
So I'll close with the promise I made to God a couple of years ago out of my gratitude for the grace with which he has showered me: "As for me I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your salvation all day long--though I know not how to relate them all!" Psalm 71:14-15
Thursday, May 20, 2010
John, Peter, and Me
Hello blog, my dear old friend! It has been way too long since I have spent any time with you. But I'm happy to be back, and so glad you are there for me!
So, it is finished. The book of John in 31 weeks. It's only a 21-chapter book, so you can just imagine how in-depth this study was. That's Bible Study Fellowship for ya. If you have never heard of it or you've heard of it but have never done a BSF study, I strongly encourage everyone to look into it. Even if you have done lots and lots of Bible studies and think you know all there is to know about the Bible, you will be amazed and humbled at how much you really don't know!
Now that it's over, I am challenged to reflect on the past 31 weeks and figure you what I'm supposed to do with what I have learned. It's funny, but I think for me the whole thing boils down to what I came away with in the very last chapter. I mean, God certainly spoke to me throughout and I learned so very much. But most of all, I have to say that I have been humbled.
Let me tell you why. If I had to compare myself to Peter or John, I would've normally said John--a little more quiet, a little more reserved, though nonetheless passionate in his faith and love of Jesus. But God has opened my eyes to see that I have really been more like Peter was before Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit came to dwell within him and set his heart and mouth ablaze for the Lord.
All through the four Gospels, I saw a sense of arrogance about Peter. For instance, what kind of show-off gets out of a boat in the middle of a storm to walk on water? Jesus let him do it, knowing full well what would happen. Peter got scared, took his eyes of the Lord and suddenly found himself fighting to keep his head above water, crying out to Jesus to rescue him. Talk about a humbling. I sadly realized I am that kind of show-off. No, I have never attempted to walk on water (although I used to love water-skiing (: ), but on more than one occasion I have been quick to place myself in "look-at-me" positions, only to suffer embarrassment when they didn't turn out the way I planned, or anger when I have been criticized. At times I wondered why God would even let me go through with those kinds of plans. Now I know. Arrogance needs to be humbled.
And what about Peter arguing with his Lord when Jesus told the disciples he would soon be killed? "Never Lord, this will never happen to you!" Jesus actually calls him Satan (Matt. 16:21-23)! How humiliated Peter must have been in that moment as he stood before the other disciples! Yet still, just hours before Jesus' arrest and crucifixion, Peter vows that even if all the other disciples fall away, he will follow Jesus even to death. Does he really think his faith and love for Jesus is that much better than everyone else's? Jesus lets Peter know on the spot that that very night, Peter would deny even knowing Jesus, not just once, but three times! After the third denial, when Peter realizes what he has done he weeps in bitter shame. But then, arrogance needs to be humbled.
Once again, I saw so much of myself in these stories. How often have I been so arrogant as to argue with God, or to take matters into my own hands when I think He is moving too slowly? And how quick have I been to judge the faith of other brothers and sisters in Christ? It makes me sick at heart to see my own attitude of superiority, as if I set the standard for others to live out their faith. In the different personalities of John and Peter, we see two men who loved the Lord Jesus, who did great things for Him in their own ways, and lived out the calling that God designed uniquely for them. That's all he wants from each of us as well.
And here's the thing that made me fall so much more deeply in love with Jesus. Even after having to continually put Peter in his place, He showers Peter with grace and edifies him before all the disciples. In John 21, Jesus asks Peter three times "do you love me?" Peter, now thoroughly humbled says "you know I love you." There's no "I love you more than anyone else," or "I love you enough to die with you and for you." Peter can't even bring himself to use the same form of the word love that Jesus uses, referring to agape or unconditional love. What he says, in effect, is "You know my heart and you know that I love you with the brotherly kind of love, and I get it now that that is really all I am capable of."
And Jesus, in his grace, accepts that love and gives Peter a ministry to feed and take care of Jesus' flock. He leaves Peter with a final reminder to just keep his eyes on Jesus, not to be distracted by others' faith journeys and ministries but to simply follow Christ.
Oh, what a lesson I needed to learn. In the last year I have felt so discouraged in ministry and placed a lot of blame where I shouldn't have. But God, in his love and grace for me, has allowed me to see the error of my ways. My arrogance needed a humbling. I am grateful.
So, it is finished. The book of John in 31 weeks. It's only a 21-chapter book, so you can just imagine how in-depth this study was. That's Bible Study Fellowship for ya. If you have never heard of it or you've heard of it but have never done a BSF study, I strongly encourage everyone to look into it. Even if you have done lots and lots of Bible studies and think you know all there is to know about the Bible, you will be amazed and humbled at how much you really don't know!
Now that it's over, I am challenged to reflect on the past 31 weeks and figure you what I'm supposed to do with what I have learned. It's funny, but I think for me the whole thing boils down to what I came away with in the very last chapter. I mean, God certainly spoke to me throughout and I learned so very much. But most of all, I have to say that I have been humbled.
Let me tell you why. If I had to compare myself to Peter or John, I would've normally said John--a little more quiet, a little more reserved, though nonetheless passionate in his faith and love of Jesus. But God has opened my eyes to see that I have really been more like Peter was before Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit came to dwell within him and set his heart and mouth ablaze for the Lord.
All through the four Gospels, I saw a sense of arrogance about Peter. For instance, what kind of show-off gets out of a boat in the middle of a storm to walk on water? Jesus let him do it, knowing full well what would happen. Peter got scared, took his eyes of the Lord and suddenly found himself fighting to keep his head above water, crying out to Jesus to rescue him. Talk about a humbling. I sadly realized I am that kind of show-off. No, I have never attempted to walk on water (although I used to love water-skiing (: ), but on more than one occasion I have been quick to place myself in "look-at-me" positions, only to suffer embarrassment when they didn't turn out the way I planned, or anger when I have been criticized. At times I wondered why God would even let me go through with those kinds of plans. Now I know. Arrogance needs to be humbled.
And what about Peter arguing with his Lord when Jesus told the disciples he would soon be killed? "Never Lord, this will never happen to you!" Jesus actually calls him Satan (Matt. 16:21-23)! How humiliated Peter must have been in that moment as he stood before the other disciples! Yet still, just hours before Jesus' arrest and crucifixion, Peter vows that even if all the other disciples fall away, he will follow Jesus even to death. Does he really think his faith and love for Jesus is that much better than everyone else's? Jesus lets Peter know on the spot that that very night, Peter would deny even knowing Jesus, not just once, but three times! After the third denial, when Peter realizes what he has done he weeps in bitter shame. But then, arrogance needs to be humbled.
Once again, I saw so much of myself in these stories. How often have I been so arrogant as to argue with God, or to take matters into my own hands when I think He is moving too slowly? And how quick have I been to judge the faith of other brothers and sisters in Christ? It makes me sick at heart to see my own attitude of superiority, as if I set the standard for others to live out their faith. In the different personalities of John and Peter, we see two men who loved the Lord Jesus, who did great things for Him in their own ways, and lived out the calling that God designed uniquely for them. That's all he wants from each of us as well.
And here's the thing that made me fall so much more deeply in love with Jesus. Even after having to continually put Peter in his place, He showers Peter with grace and edifies him before all the disciples. In John 21, Jesus asks Peter three times "do you love me?" Peter, now thoroughly humbled says "you know I love you." There's no "I love you more than anyone else," or "I love you enough to die with you and for you." Peter can't even bring himself to use the same form of the word love that Jesus uses, referring to agape or unconditional love. What he says, in effect, is "You know my heart and you know that I love you with the brotherly kind of love, and I get it now that that is really all I am capable of."
And Jesus, in his grace, accepts that love and gives Peter a ministry to feed and take care of Jesus' flock. He leaves Peter with a final reminder to just keep his eyes on Jesus, not to be distracted by others' faith journeys and ministries but to simply follow Christ.
Oh, what a lesson I needed to learn. In the last year I have felt so discouraged in ministry and placed a lot of blame where I shouldn't have. But God, in his love and grace for me, has allowed me to see the error of my ways. My arrogance needed a humbling. I am grateful.
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