Minding the Head and Heart

I had to get my head examined today...again.  I can just hear the jokes and wisecracks, thank you very much.

It was the annual brain MRI to keep an eye on things upstairs.  I really do not like those things.  Fortunately I don't get claustrophobic, as some people do.  It's just really not comfortable lying on that hard table, and having to keep your head in one position without moving it for an hour.  And then there's the dreaded IV, for the contrasting dye they have to inject at the halfway point.  Definitely not an enjoyable way to start the day!

As I lay there grumbling in my mind about it, my thoughts drifted to a childhood friend. She has fought a lengthy and courageous battle with brain cancer, which now appears to be winning.  Her doctors have exhausted every treatment and clinical trial available, and now she is at home, drifting in and out of consciousness, her heartbroken family gathered around to soak up every precious moment they have left with her.

While we continue to pray for healing this side of heaven for my sweet friend, it's entirely possible that she will, soon, be entering the arms of her Savior.  There is deep sorrow in that, but deep joy, for her, as well.

Suddenly I began to feel a lot more comfortable in that cold, hard, magnetic imaging machine.  My grumpy attitude turned to one of thankfulness for my own life and its many blessings.  I am well, my MS is stable (I think), and even if it's not, hopefully the MRI will reveal to my doctor any concerns we may need to address.  For all my friend has gone through, all I have heard for so long is how amazing her attitude has been, how she has kept her infectious smile and freely shared her faith throughout the whole ordeal.

So I started singing praise songs (to myself), and promptly settled into a place of peace.

Funny how I thought I was just getting my head examined.  My heart got a check-up, too. 

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."  Isaiah 26:3

A Monumental Day...NOT!

Yesterday I heard an elderly gentleman from my church remark that he couldn't believe how fast 2012 is already whizzing by, that we're already into the second week of February.  Then he looked at me with concern in his eyes and said "I think it's been a good while since I've talked to you.  How are you getting along?"

By the look on his face and tone of his voice, I knew he was referring to my "condition."  And that's when it dawned on me.  January had come and gone and I hadn't even realized it!  I mean, of course I knew January was over and we had moved full steam into February.  But it's the first time in the four years since receiving my diagnosis of multiple sclerosis on January 23rd that the date had slipped by without me even giving it a thought.  The date which was so monumental just four years ago had moved back to being a date on which I simply wished two special people in my life a happy birthday.

Ahh, God has been so faithful and good to me! Four years ago my life was turned upside down and I was left with a choice.  I could dwell on it and let my days be all about me and my circumstances, or I could learn to truly step outside of myself and ask God to show me each day how I might be of use to Him.  This blog chronicles many of those early days of my journey, and it's so amazing to me when I go back and read some of those posts to see and realize all that God has done in my life.

What I've learned is that our lives really aren't so much about us as they are about other people.  I have complete trust and faith that the best life is the one that will come after my time on this earth.  My days here are numbered just like everyone else's, but they are so much richer and more blessed when I commit them to the Lord for His purposes!

Does that mean every day is easy and wonderful?  Of course not.  Some of them downright stink.  But I know where to find my joy, and it's not in my circumstances.

That's why when my elderly friend asked me so sincerely how I was getting along, as realization of the date dawned on me I was able to respond with the same sincerity, "I'm great!.  Thanks for asking.  I'm really great!"

Praise God, the One who brings you through what He brings you to!

A New Season

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."
(1 Peter 2:9)

We have two beautiful maple trees in our backyard. The only problem is, they are among the last trees in the Spring to get their leaves, and among the first in the Fall to lose them.

For the last couple of weeks, I watched every day as the trees budded. It seemed to take forever for the buds to begin to open and the leaves to very slowly begin to unfold and grow. Then one day, I looked out the window and marveled at how the leaves seemed to have appeared overnight, and the trees suddenly appeared vibrant and alive.

Today I realized that I have been very much like those trees. My world seemed to stop for a little while upon learning in January that I have MS. As I struggled to come to grips with it both physically and emotionally, I felt like I was in some sort of dormant state, a holding pattern if you will.

This morning, when my friend Barbara asked me how I'm doing, I was able to respond that I'm doing really well. I told her that I'm feeling better physically, and that mentally and emotionally I'm no longer in a place where it's constantly occupying my thoughts. I feel really good.

"A couple of months ago," I said, "I wasn't there. It's taken some time to be able to let go of it and say that it is what it is and it's okay."

As I spoke those words to Barbara, I could see the leaves on the maple trees outside my kitchen window blowing in a gentle breeze, and that's when I realized the parallel with my life these last few months. It has taken time and effort, but just as winter has changed to spring and the earth has come back to life, God has brought me through a harsh season as well, and I want to enjoy this life I've been given!

It felt really good to be able to say "I feel really good," and to say it with complete sincerity. It almost caught me by surprise, kind of like the leaves that seemed to have opened overnight. I'm so thankful to God, the one who "called me out of the darkness into his wonderful light."

"The Lord will comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing." (Isaiah 51:3)

Walking the Talk

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:18

Something happened at Sunday school the other day that touched me so deeply. A lady who has only recently joined the class with her husband came in and brought me a sticker. It was from the MS Walk a few weeks ago, and it had my name on it, stating that she was walking in my honor.

This is a lady who lives in my neighborhood, and though we have known each other for the last several years, it has really been only casually. I've enjoyed having her and her husband in Sunday school. It has given me the opportunity to get to know them better. She had told me a couple of weeks before the MS Walk that she was planning to participate on my behalf. I was practically moved to tears that she was even considering it, but then I never heard anything more about it.

Well, not only did she walk, but her 18 year-old son did as well. She said she wanted so much to do something for me when she heard of my MS diagnosis. She knew we were getting plenty of meals brought to us, and figured this would be a practical way of expressing her support.

You know, I felt her love when she first told me of her plans to walk and I so appreciated the gesture. But when she carried through with it, putting her love to action, then I also experienced God's love and grace. I think that's what the verse from 1 John is trying to tell us.

When our love for others stems from our love for Christ and a desire to serve him, people will see Christ reflected in us, and know his love for them. We're called to a love that goes much deeper than lip service, we have to walk the talk!

Frenetic Pacing

Peace and quiet. That's what I am enjoying immensely this morning. I think I really needed it because yesterday was crazy...good, but crazy.

They day actually started off great. I got to watch Hannah perform her skit in the school variety show. She did such a great job and totally brought down the house. Everyone was laughing so hard and really got a huge kick out of it. The amazing thing to me is that she even did it. Just a couple of years ago she was still so pitifully shy that NOTHING could have gotten her up on that stage!

Okay, that was in the morning, then I had to run some errands, and by the time I got home it was almost time for Hannah to get home from school. I immediately then had to get her to a friend's house so that I could make the 30-minute drive to Kaelie's first track meet (last week's was rained out). I made it just in time to watch her second and third jumps in the long jump. She ended up placing fourth out of a whole bunch of girls from five different schools!

Then I waited...and waited...and waited some more. Her next event, the 800, wasn't for another two hours. Meanwhile, I'm watching the minutes tick by and beginning to panic. I had promised Hannah I would make it back to the school in time to see her do her skit again for the nighttime show for families. Fortunately, she was the very last act in the show, but I knew I was going to be cutting it close. Joey had gotten her there and I was supposed to meet him, but the longer the track meet dragged on the more worried I became about making it.

Finally, the gun sounded for the 800 and the runners took off. I wasn't leaving without watching Kaelie in this race, especially since I HAD seen Hannah's skit in the morning show. It was so exciting to watch Kaelie give it all she had and stride across the finish line to a strong sixth place finish.

I gave her a quick hug to let her know how proud I was of her, then dashed off to run my own 800 across a field and a parking lot to my car, which I had to park much too far away! I think that's what did me in. By the time I got to the car and sat down, the left side of my body burned so badly it felt like it was on fire. I did make it to the school in time to watch Hannah, but I paid the price for all the running around because last night the MS symptoms walloped me pretty good.

This morning after everyone else had left the house, I was thanking God for what he is doing in the lives of my children. As I reflected on the events of yesterday, I also asked him to help me learn how to pace myself, because unfortunately I am still paying the price this morning. That's when the Holy Spirit spoke this verse into my heart: "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." (Colossians 3:23)

I did put my whole heart into all the running around I was doing for my kids yesterday. But I think the Holy Spirit was trying to remind that I need to put the same energy into my relationship with the Lord as I do into my family relationships. Was I doing all that running around to please them, or to please God? No doubt, I was trying to please my girls. I truly wanted to watch both of them in what they were doing, but I also wanted to make sure I didn't disappoint either one of them.

I think this morning that the Lord wanted me to realize that perhaps the key to pacing myself will be doing all things "as working for the Lord, rather than men." When I do that, he'll help me prioritize and take care of the things that really need to get done, and learn to let go of the things that don't.