So, how do you like my new look? It's been a while since I've posted, almost 6 months actually. I thought I would celebrate with a blog makeover. I especially liked this design because of all the bright colors. My old design was just brown, about as dull as I have been now for the last 6 or 8 months!
A conversation with a friend this morning caused me to give some thought as to why I haven't written in so long. The truth of the matter is that I have been in a funk, actually it has felt more like a hole, and I believe it all comes down to denial.
For a long time, this blog for me was all tangled up with my multiple sclerosis. My diagnosis almost three years ago was the driving force behind the blog in the first place. It was here that I could record my thoughts and emotions about it all, as well as all the ways that I experienced God's grace and presence and comfort.
Eventually though, I reached a point that I didn't want to think about MS anymore. I stopped researching it on the internet, pulled out of the chat rooms and even stopped taking my meds. (Don't freak out, Mom and Dad.) I started getting aggravated and abruptly changing the subject when well-meaning people would ask me about my health. I mean, why wouldn't I be fine? If I'm not experiencing symptoms and I'm not thinking about it, it's a non-issue, right? Finally, I rebelled against the blog, the place where God had always met me and helped me sort through so much of the junk. This had been a therapeutic place for me, and why would I need therapy if nothing is wrong? Time and again whenever something would happen and it would cross my mind to write about it, I refused to follow through.
The problem is that refusing to act on those little urges often equates to ignoring the leading of the Holy Spirit.
The Spirit gifts each of us differently and expects us to use those gifts to the glory of God and in ministry to others. Now that I am coming out of my funk I see that I have been neglecting my gift. Even though most people don't write comments, I know that God has used this little spot in cyberspace to touch the lives of others. There's much more joy in that than living in denial and hibernating in a hole!
So I'll close with the promise I made to God a couple of years ago out of my gratitude for the grace with which he has showered me: "As for me I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your salvation all day long--though I know not how to relate them all!" Psalm 71:14-15
2 comments:
Hey Tracy...
I am so glad God helped you "git your gumption" up to write again, and I completely agree with you that denial can act as cement for the otherwise active movement of God's Spirit in our lives. Denial is so tricky, because it's easy to focus on the behavior of denial, instead of actually facing whatever it is we need to stare at headlong. Sounds to me like you faced your denial square on in this post-- and even if you don't need to write for the same kind of "therapeutic" release b/c of your ms, maybe it can be therapy just for your writer's heart. Glad to know you! Kelly
Thank you for the comment and encouragement Kelly. I'm glad you checked out the blog. It does feel good to get back to it, definitely makes this writer's heart happy!
And I'm glad to know you, too!
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