For weeks I had been kicking myself over and over. I knew I should go and visit her, or at least pick up the phone, but for some reason I never did. I would think about it and then get busy or side-tracked, and then before I knew it another day had passed. So when my husband and I took our quarterly turn at serving Holy Communion in church last Sunday and my sweet friend Virginia reached out to dip her bread in the cup I was holding, I felt a mix of emotions welling up inside. Our eyes met and we both smiled, genuinely happy to see each other. But I couldn't escape the nagging feeling of guilt for neglecting her.
Miss Virgnia, as we often call her, is in her 80's and has been struggling with diabetes-related health issues, mainly with her feet. She has been hospitalized off and on, and occasionally has to spend weeks at a time in a rehab center. This is a woman who has always been so very active and involved, so I can't imagine how hard it must be for her to not be able to get out and about. I always miss her smiling face in church, so it was a joyous moment to see that she had returned and to be able to serve her Communion.
You would think after that I would have made sure to follow up with at least a phone call to let her know how glad I was to see her and how much I have missed her. Yet still, two days passed and I did not call. Instead, SHE called ME and said SHE was sorry for not getting in touch!
I couldn't believe it. I didn't know whether to feel better or worse! But at least we were able to catch up with each other. I even invited her to our house for Thanksgiving dinner, and better yet, she's coming!
I have so much to be thankful for, most especially the wonderful people that God has placed in my life. This year between Miss Virginia and all the family who will be here, I will get to enjoy Thanksgivining dinner with 13 of those wonderful people. I am truly blessed!
Friday, November 19, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
The Danger of Denial
So, how do you like my new look? It's been a while since I've posted, almost 6 months actually. I thought I would celebrate with a blog makeover. I especially liked this design because of all the bright colors. My old design was just brown, about as dull as I have been now for the last 6 or 8 months!
A conversation with a friend this morning caused me to give some thought as to why I haven't written in so long. The truth of the matter is that I have been in a funk, actually it has felt more like a hole, and I believe it all comes down to denial.
For a long time, this blog for me was all tangled up with my multiple sclerosis. My diagnosis almost three years ago was the driving force behind the blog in the first place. It was here that I could record my thoughts and emotions about it all, as well as all the ways that I experienced God's grace and presence and comfort.
Eventually though, I reached a point that I didn't want to think about MS anymore. I stopped researching it on the internet, pulled out of the chat rooms and even stopped taking my meds. (Don't freak out, Mom and Dad.) I started getting aggravated and abruptly changing the subject when well-meaning people would ask me about my health. I mean, why wouldn't I be fine? If I'm not experiencing symptoms and I'm not thinking about it, it's a non-issue, right? Finally, I rebelled against the blog, the place where God had always met me and helped me sort through so much of the junk. This had been a therapeutic place for me, and why would I need therapy if nothing is wrong? Time and again whenever something would happen and it would cross my mind to write about it, I refused to follow through.
The problem is that refusing to act on those little urges often equates to ignoring the leading of the Holy Spirit.
The Spirit gifts each of us differently and expects us to use those gifts to the glory of God and in ministry to others. Now that I am coming out of my funk I see that I have been neglecting my gift. Even though most people don't write comments, I know that God has used this little spot in cyberspace to touch the lives of others. There's much more joy in that than living in denial and hibernating in a hole!
So I'll close with the promise I made to God a couple of years ago out of my gratitude for the grace with which he has showered me: "As for me I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your salvation all day long--though I know not how to relate them all!" Psalm 71:14-15
A conversation with a friend this morning caused me to give some thought as to why I haven't written in so long. The truth of the matter is that I have been in a funk, actually it has felt more like a hole, and I believe it all comes down to denial.
For a long time, this blog for me was all tangled up with my multiple sclerosis. My diagnosis almost three years ago was the driving force behind the blog in the first place. It was here that I could record my thoughts and emotions about it all, as well as all the ways that I experienced God's grace and presence and comfort.
Eventually though, I reached a point that I didn't want to think about MS anymore. I stopped researching it on the internet, pulled out of the chat rooms and even stopped taking my meds. (Don't freak out, Mom and Dad.) I started getting aggravated and abruptly changing the subject when well-meaning people would ask me about my health. I mean, why wouldn't I be fine? If I'm not experiencing symptoms and I'm not thinking about it, it's a non-issue, right? Finally, I rebelled against the blog, the place where God had always met me and helped me sort through so much of the junk. This had been a therapeutic place for me, and why would I need therapy if nothing is wrong? Time and again whenever something would happen and it would cross my mind to write about it, I refused to follow through.
The problem is that refusing to act on those little urges often equates to ignoring the leading of the Holy Spirit.
The Spirit gifts each of us differently and expects us to use those gifts to the glory of God and in ministry to others. Now that I am coming out of my funk I see that I have been neglecting my gift. Even though most people don't write comments, I know that God has used this little spot in cyberspace to touch the lives of others. There's much more joy in that than living in denial and hibernating in a hole!
So I'll close with the promise I made to God a couple of years ago out of my gratitude for the grace with which he has showered me: "As for me I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your salvation all day long--though I know not how to relate them all!" Psalm 71:14-15
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