Unmasking Halloween

Halloween has always been stressful to me.  I'm not the most creative person when it comes to putting together a costume, so even as a kid, it always felt like so much pressure.  I guess that's why I don't really have many fond memories of childhood Halloweens.  Of course I recall the fun of trick-or-treating, I just can't really remember a single costume I wore.  When my children came along, the pressure to create the perfect costume seemed even greater.  Fortunately, they always looked cute and never really seemed to care whether or not they won any costume contests.

Before the Halloween that I, dressed as Pebbles from the Flintstones, met my future husband who was donning a cowboy get-up at the time, there is really only one that sticks out in my memory.  I was a recent college graduate, working in a small town and living in my own apartment for the first time.  It probably sounds silly, but I remember the excitement I felt as I was buying candy to hand out to the trick-or-treaters who would be coming to the door, MY door in MY place. 

That night, I settled in front of the TV with a big bowl of candy by my side.  I waited eagerly for the first knock at the door, so excited to see cute little kids in their costumes. 

I waited.  And I waited.  And I waited some more.  Not. One. Knock.

I was deflated, disappointed, and depressed.  Since I had only arrived in town and started my job a few weeks before, I really didn't know anyone other than a few co-workers.  I took a chance and called one, and as it turns out, she was having exactly the same kind of night.  She was more than happy to accept my invitation to come over.  We had the best time talking and laughing and enjoying a sugar buzz together!

With another Halloween approaching, I found myself thinking about that night.  That Halloween doesn't stand out because of the costumes or the trick-or-treaters.  It stands out because it was the first time that I felt like I had made a friend in my new community.  We bonded over loneliness and laughter, commiseration and candy.  We even went on to become roommates for a while.  All these years later, time and distance between us, I'm still happy to be able to call her my friend.

Relationship.  That's what it's all about. I made a friend that Halloween night because I summoned up the courage to reach out.  We may not be in close touch like we used to be, but we've remained friends because I think we've both been able to summon the courage through the years to be real and transparent with one another during good times and bad. I know if I saw her tomorrow, we could pick up right where we left off.

I need to do better at being real and transparent in all my relationships.  Halloween may be a night for costumes and masks, but every other day should be about taking them off, sharing our real selves, building real relationships, being real friends.