Okay, here's the thing. I know that I have a clear calling from God to preach the Word. I have responded to that calling by promising to speak at every opportunity. I have claimed Psalm 71:14-15, "But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long."
Tomorrow morning I have a speaking engagement scheduled at a MOPS group. This morning I woke up with my voice sounding awfully gravelly, and as the day wore on I lost it completely. I called my friend at the MOPS group, she prayed for me over the phone and has rallied a couple of other prayer warriors as well. It's already 9:30 at night and I'm supposed to be there at 9:30 in the morning. If you read this between now and then, please pray that in these next 12 hours the Lord will restore my voice!
Over and over, I have felt convinced that God has been trying to humble me, to remind me "Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit." (Zechariah 4:6) I will accomplish nothing on my own, or by my own abilities, but only by the power of his Spirit working in me and through me. Is this the lesson he is still trying to drive home?
If so, I get it! There's certainly nothing I'm going to be able to do about this voice. Only his healing will restore it and enable me to stand before that group of women to deliver this message. If he chooses not to, I (and the MOPS leaders who invited me to come and who are relying on me for their program) will have to accept that and trust, once again, that his ways are higher.
I'll follow up with another post tomorrow to let you know what happens. In the meantime, please pray!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
His Ways are Higher
Just a quick post today...lots going on. I just have to express how amazed I am at the lengths God will go to in order to stretch us in our faith and build our trust in him.
A good friend of mine was called to serve on the Walk to Emmaus this weekend. God was already stretching her out of her comfort zone because she is giving a 20-minute talk for the first time, something she has vowed she would never be able to do. But she's doing it because she has learned to trust God to enable her to do things under his power that she could never do on her own.
The Walk began last night. The day before, my friend found out that her 15 year-old son has a very bad hernia that will require surgery right away, as in today. Can you just imagine the dilemma? My friend knew that she was called by God to serve on this Emmaus Walk, but motherhood is also her calling. After much prayer and discussion with her family, she left her son in the capable hands of her husband and her parents, but most importantly in the hands of her God. Once again she chose to step out in faith. What an amazing expression of trust in our Heavenly Father! If you are reading this, please pray for Angie and Drew.
Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." (NIV)
I do not understand why God would call a mother away from her teenage son when he has to have surgery, but I trust that his ways are higher. I do not understand that God would call me to serve in various ways and then allow me to be stricken with MS. But I trust that his ways are higher. I do not understand why a young mother I know would be faithfully serving her family and the Lord, and be stricken with cancer for the second time, forced to undergo painful surgeries and treatments. But I see her clinging to Him, trusting that his ways are higher. If you're reading this, please pray for Lydeana.
My interpretation of Proverbs 3:5 is that when we trust in the Lord with all our hearts, following his ways and surrendering to his will, he will faithfully lead us straight to his heart and everlasting embrace. I may not understand it, but I believe it!
A good friend of mine was called to serve on the Walk to Emmaus this weekend. God was already stretching her out of her comfort zone because she is giving a 20-minute talk for the first time, something she has vowed she would never be able to do. But she's doing it because she has learned to trust God to enable her to do things under his power that she could never do on her own.
The Walk began last night. The day before, my friend found out that her 15 year-old son has a very bad hernia that will require surgery right away, as in today. Can you just imagine the dilemma? My friend knew that she was called by God to serve on this Emmaus Walk, but motherhood is also her calling. After much prayer and discussion with her family, she left her son in the capable hands of her husband and her parents, but most importantly in the hands of her God. Once again she chose to step out in faith. What an amazing expression of trust in our Heavenly Father! If you are reading this, please pray for Angie and Drew.
Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." (NIV)
I do not understand why God would call a mother away from her teenage son when he has to have surgery, but I trust that his ways are higher. I do not understand that God would call me to serve in various ways and then allow me to be stricken with MS. But I trust that his ways are higher. I do not understand why a young mother I know would be faithfully serving her family and the Lord, and be stricken with cancer for the second time, forced to undergo painful surgeries and treatments. But I see her clinging to Him, trusting that his ways are higher. If you're reading this, please pray for Lydeana.
My interpretation of Proverbs 3:5 is that when we trust in the Lord with all our hearts, following his ways and surrendering to his will, he will faithfully lead us straight to his heart and everlasting embrace. I may not understand it, but I believe it!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
The VT Anniversary
The emotions caught me completely off-guard. The lead story on the 11:00 newscast last night was all about today's anniversary of the Virginia Tech massacre. As I watched the video of the preparations being made on campus and in town, my town, tears started rolling down my cheeks.
"Where did that come from?" I wondered. Then I remembered. As the photo of slain Corps of Cadets member Matt LaPorte flashed on the screen a second time, I recalled sitting in my car and watching his funeral procession go by last year. I had been on my way downtown after Bible study to meet a friend for lunch. As I approached a cemetery up ahead, the two cars in front of me came to a stop, and as I got closer I understood why.
The first things to catch my attention were the state police officers on motorcycles, driving in continuous circles in the middle of the street, blue lights flashing. Once they moved out of the way, row after row of cadets in full dress uniform came marching in formation down the street. I rolled down my window to listen to the steady, somber sound of the drumbeat. There had to have been several hundred cadets, it really was an impressive sight. It was so sad...here was a young man who was training to defend his country, and he was gunned down while sitting innocently in his college classroom, along with 31 others with similarly sharp minds and high ambitions.
I was humbled to be able to witness this processional, and I said a prayer for the young man's family and fellow cadets. I remember feeling irritated at people in other cars who turned around and drove away, rather than wait for the processional to pass. It seemed so disrespectful, so selfish.
How quickly we move on. How quickly we get back to our routines and our agendas and to-do lists. I have gotten back to mine as well. I pray, however, that the unspeakable tragedy of a year ago will continually remind me to take time for others. It only took 5-10 minutes out of my schedule to watch those cadets march by in honor of their fallen comrade, a simple show of respect. It really doesn't take much effort to show others that we care about them as long as we have a willing heart to do so.
To mark the anniversary of the tragedy, this morning a group of VT students hosted a prayer breakfast at my church. It was the perfect way to start the day, gathering with a group of believers to pray for victims' families, the campus and town, and strength to face the day, and to praise the name of the One who is our strength. One of the students shared the following passage from 2 Corinthians 4:7-11: "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our own body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body."
Today I will pray that as the media spotlight ones again shines on Blacksburg, God's glory will outshine the lights of the television cameras and the world will catch a glimpse of God's divine strength and all-surpassing power. I will pray for his Spirit of love and peace to descend on our community and in the hearts of those whose hearts are broken. And I will praise Jesus, the one who heals the hurt, and whose light shines through the darkness. May we walk in service to him, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal bodies.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)
"Where did that come from?" I wondered. Then I remembered. As the photo of slain Corps of Cadets member Matt LaPorte flashed on the screen a second time, I recalled sitting in my car and watching his funeral procession go by last year. I had been on my way downtown after Bible study to meet a friend for lunch. As I approached a cemetery up ahead, the two cars in front of me came to a stop, and as I got closer I understood why.
The first things to catch my attention were the state police officers on motorcycles, driving in continuous circles in the middle of the street, blue lights flashing. Once they moved out of the way, row after row of cadets in full dress uniform came marching in formation down the street. I rolled down my window to listen to the steady, somber sound of the drumbeat. There had to have been several hundred cadets, it really was an impressive sight. It was so sad...here was a young man who was training to defend his country, and he was gunned down while sitting innocently in his college classroom, along with 31 others with similarly sharp minds and high ambitions.
I was humbled to be able to witness this processional, and I said a prayer for the young man's family and fellow cadets. I remember feeling irritated at people in other cars who turned around and drove away, rather than wait for the processional to pass. It seemed so disrespectful, so selfish.
How quickly we move on. How quickly we get back to our routines and our agendas and to-do lists. I have gotten back to mine as well. I pray, however, that the unspeakable tragedy of a year ago will continually remind me to take time for others. It only took 5-10 minutes out of my schedule to watch those cadets march by in honor of their fallen comrade, a simple show of respect. It really doesn't take much effort to show others that we care about them as long as we have a willing heart to do so.
To mark the anniversary of the tragedy, this morning a group of VT students hosted a prayer breakfast at my church. It was the perfect way to start the day, gathering with a group of believers to pray for victims' families, the campus and town, and strength to face the day, and to praise the name of the One who is our strength. One of the students shared the following passage from 2 Corinthians 4:7-11: "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our own body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body."
Today I will pray that as the media spotlight ones again shines on Blacksburg, God's glory will outshine the lights of the television cameras and the world will catch a glimpse of God's divine strength and all-surpassing power. I will pray for his Spirit of love and peace to descend on our community and in the hearts of those whose hearts are broken. And I will praise Jesus, the one who heals the hurt, and whose light shines through the darkness. May we walk in service to him, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal bodies.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)
Friday, April 11, 2008
Frenetic Pacing
Peace and quiet. That's what I am enjoying immensely this morning. I think I really needed it because yesterday was crazy...good, but crazy.
They day actually started off great. I got to watch Hannah perform her skit in the school variety show. She did such a great job and totally brought down the house. Everyone was laughing so hard and really got a huge kick out of it. The amazing thing to me is that she even did it. Just a couple of years ago she was still so pitifully shy that NOTHING could have gotten her up on that stage!
Okay, that was in the morning, then I had to run some errands, and by the time I got home it was almost time for Hannah to get home from school. I immediately then had to get her to a friend's house so that I could make the 30-minute drive to Kaelie's first track meet (last week's was rained out). I made it just in time to watch her second and third jumps in the long jump. She ended up placing fourth out of a whole bunch of girls from five different schools!
Then I waited...and waited...and waited some more. Her next event, the 800, wasn't for another two hours. Meanwhile, I'm watching the minutes tick by and beginning to panic. I had promised Hannah I would make it back to the school in time to see her do her skit again for the nighttime show for families. Fortunately, she was the very last act in the show, but I knew I was going to be cutting it close. Joey had gotten her there and I was supposed to meet him, but the longer the track meet dragged on the more worried I became about making it.
Finally, the gun sounded for the 800 and the runners took off. I wasn't leaving without watching Kaelie in this race, especially since I HAD seen Hannah's skit in the morning show. It was so exciting to watch Kaelie give it all she had and stride across the finish line to a strong sixth place finish.
I gave her a quick hug to let her know how proud I was of her, then dashed off to run my own 800 across a field and a parking lot to my car, which I had to park much too far away! I think that's what did me in. By the time I got to the car and sat down, the left side of my body burned so badly it felt like it was on fire. I did make it to the school in time to watch Hannah, but I paid the price for all the running around because last night the MS symptoms walloped me pretty good.
This morning after everyone else had left the house, I was thanking God for what he is doing in the lives of my children. As I reflected on the events of yesterday, I also asked him to help me learn how to pace myself, because unfortunately I am still paying the price this morning. That's when the Holy Spirit spoke this verse into my heart: "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." (Colossians 3:23)
I did put my whole heart into all the running around I was doing for my kids yesterday. But I think the Holy Spirit was trying to remind that I need to put the same energy into my relationship with the Lord as I do into my family relationships. Was I doing all that running around to please them, or to please God? No doubt, I was trying to please my girls. I truly wanted to watch both of them in what they were doing, but I also wanted to make sure I didn't disappoint either one of them.
I think this morning that the Lord wanted me to realize that perhaps the key to pacing myself will be doing all things "as working for the Lord, rather than men." When I do that, he'll help me prioritize and take care of the things that really need to get done, and learn to let go of the things that don't.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Whose Plan is This, Anyway?
My Bible study this morning led me to the Genesis account of Noah. How many times have I read that story?? Probably more than I can count, especially when I figure in all the times I heard it in Sunday school and vacation Bible school as a child.
This time, however, a single, simple line jumped out at me, Genesis 6:22. "Noah did everything just as God commanded him."
That's pretty incredible. Have you seen the dimensions of that ark? It was HUGE, and it certainly must have created quite a spectacle. Can you imagine the sneers and jeers that Noah must have endured? But yet, he "did everything just as God commanded him."
And that's exactly why God chose him for the task. Genesis 6 says that out of everyone on the planet, God looked with favor on Noah alone because Noah walked with God. There wasn't anything else particularly special or outstanding about Noah. He was just a normal guy who chose to live his faith rather than the ways of the evil culture of his day. Yet, look what God accomplished through Noah, and his willingness to do everything "just as God commanded him."
Am I willing to serve God? Absolutely, with pleasure. But over and over I catch myself questioning "why are we doing this?" or "why are we doing it this way?" or "why don't we do it this way?" When God gives me a mission my tendency is to get all excited and fired up about it and go running off half-cocked to carry it out. Last Spring I had myself and my family pretty well convinced I would be heading off to Seminary because God had told me to preach the Word. Yes, I spent months wrestling with it and praying over it, but in the back of my mind I believe I had already hatched my plan. Get it? I said MY plan.
God had other ideas, though, and made that very clear to me through another verse I had read over and over and memorized years earlier. This time though, I truly heard it. Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Hearing it that time brought me to my knees with the humbling realization that God really was in charge, the man with the plan, and it was HIS plan we would be carrying out, in HIS way. I can't even describe the relief I immediately felt in that moment as I surrendered all MY plans to him, and promised to wait on him to fulfill his plans for me.
Since that time (a mere 9 months ago), my back has gone out, my leg has swelled up, I had half my thyroid removed for a pre-cancerous tumor, the left side of my body turned numb and tingly and I discovered I have MS. But I trust that through every hardship God is working HIS plan, and I take great comfort in the fact that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him and who have been called according his purpose." (Romans 8:29)
Do I want to do great things for God? You bet I do, and as a righteous man who walked with God I bet Noah did, too. But it's really about God doing great things, and if he chooses to somehow use me to accomplish his plans, my prayer is that I will be willing and able to follow the example of Noah in doing everything "just as God commanded him."
This time, however, a single, simple line jumped out at me, Genesis 6:22. "Noah did everything just as God commanded him."
That's pretty incredible. Have you seen the dimensions of that ark? It was HUGE, and it certainly must have created quite a spectacle. Can you imagine the sneers and jeers that Noah must have endured? But yet, he "did everything just as God commanded him."
And that's exactly why God chose him for the task. Genesis 6 says that out of everyone on the planet, God looked with favor on Noah alone because Noah walked with God. There wasn't anything else particularly special or outstanding about Noah. He was just a normal guy who chose to live his faith rather than the ways of the evil culture of his day. Yet, look what God accomplished through Noah, and his willingness to do everything "just as God commanded him."
Am I willing to serve God? Absolutely, with pleasure. But over and over I catch myself questioning "why are we doing this?" or "why are we doing it this way?" or "why don't we do it this way?" When God gives me a mission my tendency is to get all excited and fired up about it and go running off half-cocked to carry it out. Last Spring I had myself and my family pretty well convinced I would be heading off to Seminary because God had told me to preach the Word. Yes, I spent months wrestling with it and praying over it, but in the back of my mind I believe I had already hatched my plan. Get it? I said MY plan.
God had other ideas, though, and made that very clear to me through another verse I had read over and over and memorized years earlier. This time though, I truly heard it. Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Hearing it that time brought me to my knees with the humbling realization that God really was in charge, the man with the plan, and it was HIS plan we would be carrying out, in HIS way. I can't even describe the relief I immediately felt in that moment as I surrendered all MY plans to him, and promised to wait on him to fulfill his plans for me.
Since that time (a mere 9 months ago), my back has gone out, my leg has swelled up, I had half my thyroid removed for a pre-cancerous tumor, the left side of my body turned numb and tingly and I discovered I have MS. But I trust that through every hardship God is working HIS plan, and I take great comfort in the fact that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him and who have been called according his purpose." (Romans 8:29)
Do I want to do great things for God? You bet I do, and as a righteous man who walked with God I bet Noah did, too. But it's really about God doing great things, and if he chooses to somehow use me to accomplish his plans, my prayer is that I will be willing and able to follow the example of Noah in doing everything "just as God commanded him."
Monday, April 7, 2008
Reflections
If you have been checking in, I apologize for slacking off on the blog the last few days. I do try to make a point of writing when I feel like the Spirit is really speaking to me. Not that I don't feel like the Spirit is speaking to me daily...it's just that sometimes I feel really led to write about it and sometimes I don't.
Anyway, yesterday I received such praise for my children that I just had to give praise to my Father. As I left Sunday school, a friend of mine told me and my husband that her daughter came home from soccer the other day talking about how much she just loves my daughter Hannah. Her child told her that Hannah is just like her dad, sweet and funny. I thought that summed it up pretty well, because Joey is a sweet and funny guy, and my sweet Hannah certainly seems to have inherited his quick wit!
When I was growing up people always talked about how much I looked like my dad. I wonder if they see any resemblance to my Heavenly Father? Ooh, now there's a thought to consider!
2 Corinthians 3:18 says "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."
Just to drive the point home, I received an email last night from another church friend, who hosted 7th grade girls, including my daughter Kaelie, at her home for a church retreat over the weekend. She praised Kaelie's lovely manners and sweet disposition, and congratulated Joey and I on our parenting. I so appreciated her encouraging words!
That email again reminded me that just as Kaelie's actions were a reflection on her parents and her upbringing, so are we a reflection of the Lord's glory. If someone were to email the Lord about me, what would they say? Do people see me as sweet, funny, and well-mannered? Do they see me as impatient, ill-tempered and rude? Do they see the Christ in me?
I can only pray that as I continue to grow in faith and into the likeness of Christ, that I will reflect his glory more and more, and that when people look at me and the way I live my life, they will see Christ in me and through me.
Trust me, I'll be chewing on this verse for quite a while!
Anyway, yesterday I received such praise for my children that I just had to give praise to my Father. As I left Sunday school, a friend of mine told me and my husband that her daughter came home from soccer the other day talking about how much she just loves my daughter Hannah. Her child told her that Hannah is just like her dad, sweet and funny. I thought that summed it up pretty well, because Joey is a sweet and funny guy, and my sweet Hannah certainly seems to have inherited his quick wit!
When I was growing up people always talked about how much I looked like my dad. I wonder if they see any resemblance to my Heavenly Father? Ooh, now there's a thought to consider!
2 Corinthians 3:18 says "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."
Just to drive the point home, I received an email last night from another church friend, who hosted 7th grade girls, including my daughter Kaelie, at her home for a church retreat over the weekend. She praised Kaelie's lovely manners and sweet disposition, and congratulated Joey and I on our parenting. I so appreciated her encouraging words!
That email again reminded me that just as Kaelie's actions were a reflection on her parents and her upbringing, so are we a reflection of the Lord's glory. If someone were to email the Lord about me, what would they say? Do people see me as sweet, funny, and well-mannered? Do they see me as impatient, ill-tempered and rude? Do they see the Christ in me?
I can only pray that as I continue to grow in faith and into the likeness of Christ, that I will reflect his glory more and more, and that when people look at me and the way I live my life, they will see Christ in me and through me.
Trust me, I'll be chewing on this verse for quite a while!
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Whiny Ramblings
How does one balance being authentic with being whiny? I'm having a hard time with that one. Once you find out you have a chronic illness, how do you answer the question that most people really aren't looking for a long-winded answer to? You know the one I'm talking about, "How are you?"
Because so often the question is asked more as a way of greeting, "Hey, how ya doin'," it's usually easiest to just say "Fine, how are you?" But you know, some days you just really feel like crud and you feel like such a liar when you say you're doing fine. Because inside, you're not doing fine at all. You may be in so much pain that you can hardly speak the word anyway, and by the time you've told 20 people in a day that you're fine you get to a point that you're ready to spit nails at the next person who asks you!
Can you tell I'm not having a good morning? I've decided to opt for authenticity today so it's probably a good thing I don't have to go anywhere, at least not until later this afternoon to Kaelie's track meet, which will probably end up being cancelled due to rain and cold anyway.
I figure it's safe to whine here because it's my journal, after all, and whoever else is reading it is probably, hopefully, someone who cares about me or at least is interested in what I have to say and won't mind too terribly if I indulge in a little whining.
The thing is, my neck and shoulders are so locked up I can hardly turn my head. Meanwhile, my lower back is killing me from a herniated disc, but it's also feeling kind of weak, and I don't know if that's from the disc problem or the MS. Whatever, the fact is that it hurts!
Meanwhile, the whole left side of my body continues to have these bizarre burning sensations with pins and needles. That stuff has kind of become my constant companion, so nothing new there. Hopefully one day it will subside and feel normal and only flare up occasionally, but then again it may not. If it doesn't, at least it's much easier to deal with than these spinal issues.
UGH, I think I'm about finished complaining. I'm beginning to make myself gag just reading back over it...sorry! It's time to start singing "This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24) Probably a good thing I'm home alone! :)
Because so often the question is asked more as a way of greeting, "Hey, how ya doin'," it's usually easiest to just say "Fine, how are you?" But you know, some days you just really feel like crud and you feel like such a liar when you say you're doing fine. Because inside, you're not doing fine at all. You may be in so much pain that you can hardly speak the word anyway, and by the time you've told 20 people in a day that you're fine you get to a point that you're ready to spit nails at the next person who asks you!
Can you tell I'm not having a good morning? I've decided to opt for authenticity today so it's probably a good thing I don't have to go anywhere, at least not until later this afternoon to Kaelie's track meet, which will probably end up being cancelled due to rain and cold anyway.
I figure it's safe to whine here because it's my journal, after all, and whoever else is reading it is probably, hopefully, someone who cares about me or at least is interested in what I have to say and won't mind too terribly if I indulge in a little whining.
The thing is, my neck and shoulders are so locked up I can hardly turn my head. Meanwhile, my lower back is killing me from a herniated disc, but it's also feeling kind of weak, and I don't know if that's from the disc problem or the MS. Whatever, the fact is that it hurts!
Meanwhile, the whole left side of my body continues to have these bizarre burning sensations with pins and needles. That stuff has kind of become my constant companion, so nothing new there. Hopefully one day it will subside and feel normal and only flare up occasionally, but then again it may not. If it doesn't, at least it's much easier to deal with than these spinal issues.
UGH, I think I'm about finished complaining. I'm beginning to make myself gag just reading back over it...sorry! It's time to start singing "This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24) Probably a good thing I'm home alone! :)
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