Hannah's Prayer

With Thanksgiving approaching, I am feeling thankful for the gift of prayer.  I thought it was worth posting this devotional I wrote 12 years ago.

The other day my husband was holding our daughter Hannah while he was visiting with his aunt and uncle.  She's only two and a half, and had apparently been clamoring for her daddy's undivided attention, as children are apt to do when their parents are trying to having a conversation with anyone other than them.  As he held her, something caught her attention.  It was his necklace, specifically the gold cross which dangled from the chain.  Gingerly, she to took in her chubby fingers and began a conversation of her own in a voice so quiet that only her daddy could hear.  It went something like this:

"Dear God, Thank you for this whole day.  Thank you for Daddy and Mommy and Sissy and Uncle Jeremy.  In Jesus' name we pray.  Aaa-men."

Did I mention that Hannah is only two and a half?

Her daddy may have been the only one standing there who heard it, but you can bet someone else did, too.  There's no doubt in my mind that God was listening and he had to have been smiling!

At her very tender age, Hannah is learning to talk to God.  She's talking to him on her own, without prompting, at times other than bedtime.  She has even made the connection that the cross is something significant, something much more than a shiny piece of trendy jewelry.

Her innocent prayer has taught me volumes about my own faith and the legacy I leave my children.  I may not always be there for them (as much as I would like to be), but God promises to be there.  I believe that God has given me a responsibility to teach my children how to find him.  I can't think of a better way to do that than by example...taking them to church, teaching them to pray, praying together as a family.

The Bible instructs us to pray without ceasing, and that if we present our requests to God with thanksgiving, then the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard our hearts and minds.  Amid all the turmoil that life can hold, what a relief to know that when I ask, God will protect my heart and mind with a sense of peace.  How wonderful to know that same peace is there for my children, too, as they learn to go to God in prayer.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."  (Philippians 4:6-7)

Winds of Change

My heart just walked out the door.  It's Kaelie's LAST first day of school, which means first day of senior year for her and first day of freshman year for Hannah.  To mark the occasion, I thought I would post something that I wrote 12 years ago after Kaelie started kindergarten. 

I must have spent the entire summer in a state of denial.  My firstborn was about to start kindergarten and it didn't bother me in the least.  My husband practically broke down in tears at every mere mention of it.  "Oh, but she's so excited and so ready for it," I would say.

Then it hit me, about a  week before school was to start.  All the carefree time I had had with her for five years was about to end.  FOREVER.  That's when the guilt set in.  You know the kind, typical mommy guilt that you know is silly but you just can't help feeling because after all, it's one of the requirements of motherhood.  "Oh, I didn't do this with her.  Oh, we didn't get to do that or go there."  No matter that I had given up a successful and rewarding career and traded my designer wardrobe for spit-up-stained and sticky finger-smeared t-shirts.  I was going to feel guilty about not doing enough because doggone it, I was a mother and I was entitled to all the guilt I could muster.

I got over that.  It was the morning her daddy and I walked her to the bus stop in front of our house.  It felt like walking a plank.  Suddenly all guilt was gone and the only thing I felt was raw fear.

"What if the bus driver is a maniac?  What if she gets lost?  What if she drops her lunch tray or dawdles too long and doesn't get to eat?  What if her TEACHER is a maniac?  What if she breaks her neck on the playground?  What if someone hurts her feelings and I'm not there to take the hurt away?  What if, what if, what if..."

There she was, looking so small and sweet in her little blue and white checkered dress with the red appliqued apples ("because teachers like apples, Mommy"), the bow in her hair and the pink Barbie backpack.

And suddenly there IT was, that very large yellow bus looming before us.  She started to charge up the steps before I could even say goodbye.  She wasn't even looking back.  I had to yell her name for one last kiss and "I love you."  Then she was gone, and so was my life as I had known it for the last five years.  I hugged two year-old Hannah a little tighter and blinked back the tears.

In the days since the fear has subsided.  She comes home from school beaming with joy, and charges down the bus steps to my waiting arms as eagerly as she charged up that first morning.  She's still my baby and every day I thank God for the love we share and the arms that He's given us to wrap around each other.

Through this, God has also taught me a lesson in loosening my grasp.  Even though the winds have changed and for seven hours during the day she sails off in a different direction from me He is still with her, watching over her and guiding her all day long.

We're reminded of this in Hebrews 13:8.  "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever."  What a  comfort, Just as He is there for her at school all day, He's there for me and for all of us, whenever we loosen our grip on our lives and let Him be.

Big Girls do Cry

It doesn't seem possible. We've graduated to all double-digits in our house. My baby turned 10 yesterday. How often have I heard the wisdom offered up from those older and wiser than I to "enjoy them while you can because they'll be grown and gone in the blink of an eye." It's so cliched but I'm finding it to be so very true, especially this year with Hannah kissing the single digits goodbye and Kaelie becoming a teenager this Saturday!

There are still some little-girl remnants remaining though. Today Hannah left for a four-day trip to church camp. Even though she went to this same camp last summer and loved it, she was a wreck about leaving home. She went to bed at 8:30 last night but was up and down until midnight, nervous and crying and complaining of a stomach ache because of the stress.

This morning she was doing much better until we were on the way to catch the bus at the church and she called her daddy on the cell phone to tell him goodbye. I listened as her voice started to quiver and catch, and in the rearview mirror I saw the tears sliding down her cheeks. She had pulled herself together by the time she got out of the car, but then the group was half an hour late leaving so it turned into a long, drawn-out goodbye. I don't know if that was better or worse for her.

Just before they took off, she reached out for one last hug and I wasn't sure if she was going to let go. I patted her on the chest and asked "Who goes with you wherever you go, Hannah?" She pointed at me. I looked into her eyes and said "My love certainly goes with you, but more importantly than me, who goes with you?" She looked upward then and I knew she understood.

"That's right. Don't you forget that even though Mommy and Daddy can't be there, Jesus goes with you no matter where you go. He is always there." At that, she nodded her head and I saw the slightest bit of a smile and I knew she would be okay. She still made me promise to stand in the parking lot and wave until the bus was completely out of sight, which I was glad to do!

So, if you think of it, please say a little prayer for Hannah this week, my baby in the double-digits!

"This is my command--be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9