I'm back! It feels good to be sitting down to my blog again, it has been almost two weeks! They have been two jam-packed weeks, though, and I honestly have not had time to sit down and write. What happened to long, carefree, summer days? I know there was such a thing not so long ago in my life. I'm thankful that we did get to enjoy some of them a couple of weeks ago at the beach in Hilton Head. It was a great vacation and it was hard to come home and jump right back into the busy schedule! At least we got to follow it up with a long overdue visit from my sister, brother-in-law and nephew. Getting to spend some time with them made coming home much less painful!
Ever since a sermon I heard Sunday before last, I've been thinking a lot about Elijah, the great prophet of the Bible whose ministry is chronicled in 1st and 2nd Kings. I finally decided it was time to sit down and write out my thoughts, because otherwise they become jumbled up with other things and I forget what the Lord is teaching me.
I've always wondered why Elijah's faith seemed to falter so quickly when God had done so many powerful things through him and in his presence. God used Elijah to prophesy to Ahab, one of the most evil kings in the history of Israel. Time and again Elijah went boldly before Ahab to deliver the Lord's messages, which always included such bad news and judgement that Ahab called Elijah the "troubler of Israel." (1 Kings 18:17) Elijah predicted a three-year drought, during which God used a brook to provide Elijah water to drink and ravens to bring him meat.
(1 Kings 17: 6) When the brook dried up, God sent him to a woman who was using her last bit of flour and oil to provide a final meal for her and her son before they would die. Instead, she showed enough faith in Elijah's God to share her provisions with Elijah. In return, God kept them supplied with food throughout the drought. (1 Kings 17:13-16)
When the woman's son became ill and died, Elijah cried out to God to restore the child's life. God obliged, and the woman's faith increased. (1 Kings 17:22-24)
Later, God sent Elijah to present himself again to King Ahab, whose evil Baal-worshipping wife Jezebel was busily killing off all the Lord's prophets. What a picture of bravery and total trust in God's protection to go seeking out this powerful king who wanted him dead! That meeting led to a showdown on Mount Carmel, in which Elijah called down fire from God and proved to Ahab and the Israelites and the Baal prophets that the Lord is God. (1 Kings 18:36-39)
At that, the drought ended as Elijah predicted, and as King Ahab rode off to town in his chariot, God gave Elijah supernatural speed to run ahead of Ahab all the way. (1 Kings 18:48) Here's where I begin to get confused. After Ahab gets home and reports the events of Mount Carmel to the evil Jezebel, she gets all hot-headed and sends word to Elijah that she intends to have him murdered.
It is certainly not the first time Jezebel and Ahab have had a price on his head, so why is Elijah's response so different this time? 1 Kings 19:3 says "Elijah was afraid and ran for his life." He actually goes out into the desert, and saying that he has had enough, prays for God to take his life.
Instead, God twice provides hot bread and a jar of water, which Elijah consumes at the command of an angel. On the strength of that food, Elijah then travels 40 days and 40 nights, fasting throughout, to Horeb. You would think at this point that Elijah would be expecting some kind of amazing experience with God. Look where he has ended up, the very mountain on which God gave Moses the 10 Commandments! Has he gone there seeking a "mountaintop experience" of his own?
It would appear that Elijah is still depressed, lonely and fearful, because he hides out in a cave. When the word of the Lord comes to him and asks "what are you doing here, Elijah?," his response is "I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too." (1 Kings 19:10)
This is where I have to ask, "Come on Elijah, what more do you need? God has used you in powerful ways, working through you to bring a dead child back to life and answering your call to rain fire from heaven to prove his divinity to the Israelites! How can your faith waver now?"
My personal opinion is that Elijah has been very wrapped up in his ministry. He is right when he says he has been very zealous for the Lord. He has done the Lord's work over and over without hesitation. Perhaps his problem is more than loneliness and depression. Could it be he has become so used to and comfortable with God working through him that he has not paid enough attention to his own need for God to work in him?
I can totally relate if that is the case. I love it when God gives me a task to carry out. It makes me feel energized and empowered, and it is honoring and humbling all at once to get an up-close view of God at work, to actually be partnering with God, and to see the impact in someone else's life. There is nothing else like it!
I know, however, how easy it is to fall into the trap of self-sufficiency. When the heat is turned up, I think it's human nature to either seek a quick fix or to just want to give up. It takes discipline and raw faith to turn first to God and wait patiently for him to work. I'm not saying that Elijah didn't have those things, he obviously did. I just think it's easier when God is putting our discipline and faith into action on behalf of others than it is for ourselves in our own lives.
It would appear from reading both chapters 18 and 19, that this is the first time as a prophet that Elijah is without a specific mission to carry out. He has won an amazing victory on Mount Carmel. Suddenly his work appears to be finished, he is without instruction from God on what to do next, and his life is being threatened by Jezebel. Is he afraid this time that without a specific task before him that he is of no more use to God and therefore no longer under God's protection? After all, he ran off to the desert and asked God to take his life. Surely that would be better than dying at the hand of Jezebel!
The good news is that even though Elijah's faith wavered, God did not abandon him. In the cave on Mount Horeb when God spoke to Elijah, it wasn't in anger through the powerful wind, earthquake or fire that ravaged the mountain. Instead, it was through a gentle whisper, which I think is just what Elijah needed to quiet his soul. In retreating to a place of solitude, the prophet was able to receive the peace and reassurance that he needed in his own life, which God delivered in a gentle and loving way.
So often, I want the big, emotional, life-changing event, God showing himself in mighty and powerful ways. But I need to remember that sometimes a "mountaintop experience" is just that, a quiet time with God while sitting on a mountain (or in some other solitary place.) And truly, that should be all I really need.
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