I am so proud of Kaelie, my 12 year-old daughter! Saturday she ran in a 5k race for the first time, and she only started running a couple of weeks ago when she joined the track team at the middle school.
It was a nice, cool afternoon, perfect weather for running. When the race started I was surprised to see her so close up in the front, and assumed that unless she was REALLY good at pacing herself, she would drop back pretty quickly and finish up near the back. That wouldn't have mattered, I was just totally impressed with her for getting out there and giving it a try.
Imagaine my surprise when she finished right in the middle with a time of 27:11. Not only that, she came home wearing a medal around her neck for placing third in her age division! The smile on her face was priceless! It was such an encouragement to her to finish so well, and the timing was perfect because it will really boost her confidence going into her first track meet this Thursday. She'll be competing in the 800 and the 4X8 relay, as well as long jump.
Finishing the 5k so well also enabled her to see the benefits of all the training she has been doing. Even over Spring break, I was so proud of her for the way she stuck to the training schedule the coaches had provided, getting out there to run and work out on her own. That takes discipline and passion, as well as a certain amount of maturity.
Aside from all this, I was especially proud of Kaelie for a decision she made yesterday. Her last volleyball tournament is scheduled for this coming Sunday, and it's about an hour and a half away. In order for her to go, she would have to skip church and ride up with a teammate. Her dad or I would drive up a little later to get her home in time for church confirmation class in the evening.
Meanwhile, she's participating in a youth group retreat that starts Friday night, runs all day Saturday, and culminates with the group attending church together Sunday morning. Kaelie didn't even hesitate about her decision. She said that she has sacrificed several church services and activities for volleyball this season since all the tournaments were on Sundays, so this time she's going to sacrifice volleyball in order to attend church with her group on Sunday.
This time, God allowed me to see the benefits of training. Proverbs 22:6 says "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." (NIV) Our girls have been involved in the church since they were infants in the nursery. We attend Sunday school as well as worship services every week. We pray at home and do devotionals, and try to apply Scripture and biblical truths in our daily lives. Kaelie is now attending youth group and weekly youth Bible study, as well as confirmation classes.
I don't say all this to brag, but to point out the fact that all this takes effort. Just like Kaelie's training for track, spiritual training requires discipline and passion. Don't we ever want to sleep in or just stay home and relax sometimes on Sunday mornings? Absolutely. Is it a pain having to drive Kaelie back and forth for youth group, confirmation and Bible study? Occasionally, yes, especially if I'm tired after a busy day. But think about the results of the efforts! We don't have our children in our homes and under our direct influence for very long...think how fleeting that 18-year time period really is. It's so very important to take full advantage of that time to "train them in the way they should go." God, who created them, entrusted them to our care! How can we do anything less?
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever."
1 Cor. 9:24-25 (NIV)
Monday, March 31, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Finding My Heart of Praise
Today I'm posting out of a need to get a story written before it has time to even begin to fade from my memory. It's one that hopefully I'll never forget, but you know how it is, over time we lose the small details. Sunday our pastor talked about Easter and the whole idea of the Resurrection being as shocking as a sunrise at midnight. I guess you could say that the following story was a "sunrise at midnight" kind of experience for me.
Six weeks or so ago I was "swimming in a sea of steroids," as my doctor so eloquently put it. I had just been diagnosed with MS and undergone five days of high-dose IV steroid infusions. My mind was in a fog and I was kind of an emotional basket case.
I opened my Bible and began to read at the first page I came to.
"Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous;
it is fitting for the upright to praise him.
Praise the Lord with the harp;
make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.
Sing to him a new song;
play skillfully, and shout for joy." Psalm 33:1-3 (NIV)
"I don't think so," I said, and promptly closed my Bible. I was in no mood to sing joyfully and praise the Lord. Tearfully, I told God "You're going to have to help me find my heart of praise, because I just don't feel it."
With the phone ringing off the hook at home and me being in no mood to talk, I decided to go find a quiet spot in the church. It was late on a Friday morning and I didn't think anyone would be around. I entered the dark sanctuary and found a spot in the choir loft, thinking that if anyone came in they would not see me there. I tried and tried to pray, but all I could do was sit and cry, and I begged God to help me find my heart of praise.
After a few minutes an elderly man came in through the choir loft door right next to me. He kind of grunted at me, then made his way to the organ directly across from me and began to play. It felt like the last straw, and rage boiled up inside me. I got up and stomped down to a pew in the middle of the sanctuary, where at least he wouldn't see me and I wouldn't have to look at him. As I sat there, still trying unsuccessfully to pray but now in a sanctuary filled with organ music, my mind drifted back to the words from the Psalm I had read earlier that morning. As it did, peace began to replace the rage as I realized that God was answering the one and only prayer I had been able to mutter that day, "help me find my heart of praise."
The Psalmist had urged me to praise the Lord with music and singing, and when I couldn't do it myself, God sent someone to do it for me. The tears REALLY began to flow then, when I realized I was in the presence of the Lord and he was comforting me and loving me at that very moment.
I grabbed a pew Bible, and this time I read Psalm 33 in its entirety and then moved on to Psalm 34. I didn't want to miss anything he had for me, and I FEASTED on the following words:
"I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.
I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." Psalm 34:1-8
Wow, God is so good! Psalm 34 goes on with equally wonderful and comforting words from there, but I'll leave you to look it up for yourself.
I don't know how long I continued to sit there soaking up that organ music, but God didn't stop there. Not only did he send someone to praise for me, but he sent someone to pray for me as well. My friend Tindal, a staff member at the church, was taking a shortcut through the sanctuary to her office and saw me sitting there. We talked for a few minutes, and then she prayed for me, offering up all the words I had been unable to find. Only then was I finally able to dry my tears and go home.
As our pastor, Reggie, said on Sunday, there has to be a crucifixion in order for there to be a resurrection. When the crucifixions come in our lives, there will be pain, suffering, or sorrow. But just think of the majesty of a sunrise at midnight! Do you think Jesus focused his attention on the suffering of the cross, or the goal of the cross? I wouldn't trade the resurrection I experienced in the sanctuary that day for anything, and in saying that, I must also be grateful for my own personal crucifixion that preceded it. It was a turning point for me, and brought me from a place of fear and self-pity to one of peace and hope.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
Six weeks or so ago I was "swimming in a sea of steroids," as my doctor so eloquently put it. I had just been diagnosed with MS and undergone five days of high-dose IV steroid infusions. My mind was in a fog and I was kind of an emotional basket case.
I opened my Bible and began to read at the first page I came to.
"Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous;
it is fitting for the upright to praise him.
Praise the Lord with the harp;
make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.
Sing to him a new song;
play skillfully, and shout for joy." Psalm 33:1-3 (NIV)
"I don't think so," I said, and promptly closed my Bible. I was in no mood to sing joyfully and praise the Lord. Tearfully, I told God "You're going to have to help me find my heart of praise, because I just don't feel it."
With the phone ringing off the hook at home and me being in no mood to talk, I decided to go find a quiet spot in the church. It was late on a Friday morning and I didn't think anyone would be around. I entered the dark sanctuary and found a spot in the choir loft, thinking that if anyone came in they would not see me there. I tried and tried to pray, but all I could do was sit and cry, and I begged God to help me find my heart of praise.
After a few minutes an elderly man came in through the choir loft door right next to me. He kind of grunted at me, then made his way to the organ directly across from me and began to play. It felt like the last straw, and rage boiled up inside me. I got up and stomped down to a pew in the middle of the sanctuary, where at least he wouldn't see me and I wouldn't have to look at him. As I sat there, still trying unsuccessfully to pray but now in a sanctuary filled with organ music, my mind drifted back to the words from the Psalm I had read earlier that morning. As it did, peace began to replace the rage as I realized that God was answering the one and only prayer I had been able to mutter that day, "help me find my heart of praise."
The Psalmist had urged me to praise the Lord with music and singing, and when I couldn't do it myself, God sent someone to do it for me. The tears REALLY began to flow then, when I realized I was in the presence of the Lord and he was comforting me and loving me at that very moment.
I grabbed a pew Bible, and this time I read Psalm 33 in its entirety and then moved on to Psalm 34. I didn't want to miss anything he had for me, and I FEASTED on the following words:
"I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.
I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." Psalm 34:1-8
Wow, God is so good! Psalm 34 goes on with equally wonderful and comforting words from there, but I'll leave you to look it up for yourself.
I don't know how long I continued to sit there soaking up that organ music, but God didn't stop there. Not only did he send someone to praise for me, but he sent someone to pray for me as well. My friend Tindal, a staff member at the church, was taking a shortcut through the sanctuary to her office and saw me sitting there. We talked for a few minutes, and then she prayed for me, offering up all the words I had been unable to find. Only then was I finally able to dry my tears and go home.
As our pastor, Reggie, said on Sunday, there has to be a crucifixion in order for there to be a resurrection. When the crucifixions come in our lives, there will be pain, suffering, or sorrow. But just think of the majesty of a sunrise at midnight! Do you think Jesus focused his attention on the suffering of the cross, or the goal of the cross? I wouldn't trade the resurrection I experienced in the sanctuary that day for anything, and in saying that, I must also be grateful for my own personal crucifixion that preceded it. It was a turning point for me, and brought me from a place of fear and self-pity to one of peace and hope.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Easter Hope
All morning I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Hannah had been so excited about Easter, and had set her basket out early yesterday in anticipation of what she might find it filled with this morning. But when she actually started going through her basket, the joy I expected to see just wasn't there. While Kaelie seemed thrilled with hers, Hannah's reaction was lukewarm.
Finally, Hannah confessed that she had been holding out hope that the Easter bunny was real. She had figured out the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus several months ago, and had made several comments about the Easter Bunny, so I guess we just assumed she understood that Mom and Dad filled the baskets. It turns out she really wanted the Easter Bunny to be real because she reasoned that only the bunny would bring her what she really wanted in her basket, a Webkinz collie dog. I had already told her repeatedly she wasn't getting anymore Webkinz because she already has 11, for heaven's sake! So when she ran to check out her basket this morning and saw that there was no collie, she tried to hide her disappointment by stuffing her mouth full of Robin's Eggs!
Isn't that so typical of life? We want our baskets to be filled with all of our hearts' desires. We long for, and even expect health, wealth and happiness as if we're entitled to those things. When our baskets don't quite fill up the way we want them to, we too often react with bitterness, anger and depression.
Praise God for the gift of Easter. On this day we're reminded that no matter what our baskets lack, God makes up for in Jesus Christ. Only He offers the gifts that truly fill us, gifts of love, grace, peace, and the promise of eternal life for all who believe.
We can pin our hopes on all kinds of things; ourselves, other people, our accomplishments, material possessions, even the Easter Bunny. But rest assured that when we do, we will end up disappointed every time.
Jesus, the one who concquered death and has gone ahead to prepare a place for us in heaven, will never disappoint. Hebrews 6:19 says "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." (NIV)
Who's filling your basket?
Finally, Hannah confessed that she had been holding out hope that the Easter bunny was real. She had figured out the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus several months ago, and had made several comments about the Easter Bunny, so I guess we just assumed she understood that Mom and Dad filled the baskets. It turns out she really wanted the Easter Bunny to be real because she reasoned that only the bunny would bring her what she really wanted in her basket, a Webkinz collie dog. I had already told her repeatedly she wasn't getting anymore Webkinz because she already has 11, for heaven's sake! So when she ran to check out her basket this morning and saw that there was no collie, she tried to hide her disappointment by stuffing her mouth full of Robin's Eggs!
Isn't that so typical of life? We want our baskets to be filled with all of our hearts' desires. We long for, and even expect health, wealth and happiness as if we're entitled to those things. When our baskets don't quite fill up the way we want them to, we too often react with bitterness, anger and depression.
Praise God for the gift of Easter. On this day we're reminded that no matter what our baskets lack, God makes up for in Jesus Christ. Only He offers the gifts that truly fill us, gifts of love, grace, peace, and the promise of eternal life for all who believe.
We can pin our hopes on all kinds of things; ourselves, other people, our accomplishments, material possessions, even the Easter Bunny. But rest assured that when we do, we will end up disappointed every time.
Jesus, the one who concquered death and has gone ahead to prepare a place for us in heaven, will never disappoint. Hebrews 6:19 says "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." (NIV)
Who's filling your basket?
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
The Wait
Today has been one of the longest days ever. My dad had back surgery scheduled for 8:30 this morning in Virginia Beach, five hours away from me. As much as I wanted to be there, I just didn't feel comfortable driving that far by myself right now because my body is adjusting to these darned shots I'm having to take and I keep getting these annoying low-grade fevers. I think they're also making me kind of sleepy.
Instead of spending the day with my mom at the hospital, I was forced to wait it out here at home and rely on her to call with information. Well, the surgery ended up taking about five hours. Then he spent a couple of hours in recovery. Meanwhile, my mother's cell phone service didn't seem to be cooperating in the hospital, and she was afraid to leave to call me and my sister. So my sister (who lives in Atlanta but is currently in Seattle at the bedside of her dying friend) is calling me and I'm calling her and we're both calling mom and she's not answering and we're getting more and more frustrated and anxious as the day drags on.
Around 5:15 this evening I called the hospital and eventually managed to get connected to the nurses station outside my dad's room. All the nurse could tell me was that Dad was sound asleep and appeared to be resting comfortably, but no sign of my mom. Finally, Mom calls me about half an hour later to say that she is back at home, exhausted, and that before she left the hospital Dad was sitting up and proudly displaying a jar full of screws the surgeon had removed from his back. They were left from another surgery years earlier, and over time they had worked their way out of place and were combining with his spinal stenosis to cause him excruciating pain. Mom offered to take the jar home, but he insisted that she leave it so he could show it off to any of his poor unsuspecting friends who come to visit. How gross is that...such a guy thing!
So now I find myself seeking the Lord's forgiveness once again for my day of worry. Matthew 6:27 says "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" (or anyone else's for that matter). It's human nature to worry, but God calls us to rely on his divine nature to live beyond our human nature. I didn't do a very good job of that today, I'm afraid. I'm grateful to God though, for bringing my dad through an extensive surgery. If you're reading this, please join me in praying for a full, infection-free recovery for my dad (he contracted a life-threatening staph infection after his heart surgery 8 years ago), for the strength and endurance my mom will need to care for him when he returns home in a few days, and for my mom to be able to stomach the sight of that nasty jar if Dad insists on bringing it home! :)
Instead of spending the day with my mom at the hospital, I was forced to wait it out here at home and rely on her to call with information. Well, the surgery ended up taking about five hours. Then he spent a couple of hours in recovery. Meanwhile, my mother's cell phone service didn't seem to be cooperating in the hospital, and she was afraid to leave to call me and my sister. So my sister (who lives in Atlanta but is currently in Seattle at the bedside of her dying friend) is calling me and I'm calling her and we're both calling mom and she's not answering and we're getting more and more frustrated and anxious as the day drags on.
Around 5:15 this evening I called the hospital and eventually managed to get connected to the nurses station outside my dad's room. All the nurse could tell me was that Dad was sound asleep and appeared to be resting comfortably, but no sign of my mom. Finally, Mom calls me about half an hour later to say that she is back at home, exhausted, and that before she left the hospital Dad was sitting up and proudly displaying a jar full of screws the surgeon had removed from his back. They were left from another surgery years earlier, and over time they had worked their way out of place and were combining with his spinal stenosis to cause him excruciating pain. Mom offered to take the jar home, but he insisted that she leave it so he could show it off to any of his poor unsuspecting friends who come to visit. How gross is that...such a guy thing!
So now I find myself seeking the Lord's forgiveness once again for my day of worry. Matthew 6:27 says "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" (or anyone else's for that matter). It's human nature to worry, but God calls us to rely on his divine nature to live beyond our human nature. I didn't do a very good job of that today, I'm afraid. I'm grateful to God though, for bringing my dad through an extensive surgery. If you're reading this, please join me in praying for a full, infection-free recovery for my dad (he contracted a life-threatening staph infection after his heart surgery 8 years ago), for the strength and endurance my mom will need to care for him when he returns home in a few days, and for my mom to be able to stomach the sight of that nasty jar if Dad insists on bringing it home! :)
Monday, March 17, 2008
Life Lessons from the Kitchen
As I lay on the couch watching the evening news, I could hear her bustling around in the kitchen, singing as she worked. The smell of bacon wafted into the living room, and as my mouth began to water and my stomach began to growl, I fought the temptation to go and see if I could help her out and speed things along a little.
Finally, her voice rang out, "Breakfast is served!" As I scrambled into the kitchen, I saw that not only had she prepared a beautiful supper of pancakes and bacon, but she had the table perfectly set. My 9 year-old daughter led me to my seat and blessed our meal, then watched expectantly as I took my first bite. I truly meant it when I said they were some of the best pancakes I had ever eaten. After all, when you know something is prepared with love, nothing could be better!
So last night once again, God showered me with his grace, this time through Hannah's loving actions. At the same time, he also showed me a glitch in my parenting by reminding me that we are to "carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Gal. 6:2) My children are part of the body of Christ, and they want to help carry my burdens. In my efforts to protect them and guard their emotions and keep their lives as normal as possible, I've been preventing them from doing that. How shortsighted I have been! Their mom has just recently found out she has MS. How much more they probably want to help me than even all my friends who have reached out to help!
Hannah, in her 9 year-old wisdom, went to her guidance counselor last week for some advice. I'm afraid I might have hurt her feelings or made her feel excluded earlier in the week when I asked Kaelie, who is 12, to heat up something for dinner because I was too tired from an outing at the mall. When Hannah asked if she could help too, I told her no, that Kaelie would do it. The truth is, I was too tired to referee the argument that I was sure would erupt with the two of them trying to fix dinner together. And besides, Kaelie seemed pleased that I had asked her. Anyway, the guidance counselor suggested that Hannah try cooking some meals too, or finding other ways that the two of us can just spend some time together.
You know, sometimes we give our kids so little credit. They really can handle and do so much more than we think they can, and they want to feel like valued, contributing members of our family. I'm grateful to God for teaching me this lesson in such a gentle and precious way. And I'm especially grateful for the two special daughters He has blessed my life with...the very best gifts of all!
Finally, her voice rang out, "Breakfast is served!" As I scrambled into the kitchen, I saw that not only had she prepared a beautiful supper of pancakes and bacon, but she had the table perfectly set. My 9 year-old daughter led me to my seat and blessed our meal, then watched expectantly as I took my first bite. I truly meant it when I said they were some of the best pancakes I had ever eaten. After all, when you know something is prepared with love, nothing could be better!
So last night once again, God showered me with his grace, this time through Hannah's loving actions. At the same time, he also showed me a glitch in my parenting by reminding me that we are to "carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Gal. 6:2) My children are part of the body of Christ, and they want to help carry my burdens. In my efforts to protect them and guard their emotions and keep their lives as normal as possible, I've been preventing them from doing that. How shortsighted I have been! Their mom has just recently found out she has MS. How much more they probably want to help me than even all my friends who have reached out to help!
Hannah, in her 9 year-old wisdom, went to her guidance counselor last week for some advice. I'm afraid I might have hurt her feelings or made her feel excluded earlier in the week when I asked Kaelie, who is 12, to heat up something for dinner because I was too tired from an outing at the mall. When Hannah asked if she could help too, I told her no, that Kaelie would do it. The truth is, I was too tired to referee the argument that I was sure would erupt with the two of them trying to fix dinner together. And besides, Kaelie seemed pleased that I had asked her. Anyway, the guidance counselor suggested that Hannah try cooking some meals too, or finding other ways that the two of us can just spend some time together.
You know, sometimes we give our kids so little credit. They really can handle and do so much more than we think they can, and they want to feel like valued, contributing members of our family. I'm grateful to God for teaching me this lesson in such a gentle and precious way. And I'm especially grateful for the two special daughters He has blessed my life with...the very best gifts of all!
Friday, March 14, 2008
The First Shot
Well, it's done. My first shot is out to the way, and it really wasn't nearly as bad as I was afraid it would be. Actually, I can honestly say that I didn't even feel the needle, so there was no pain involved. Whether or not that was because I was injecting on my left side, which is already so numb and tingly, remains to be seen! I guess I'll find that out when I switch to my right side for the next shot day after tomorrow.
Even though it didn't hurt physically, I do have to admit to some emotional pain and tears. I was so glad Joey was with me. He's such a source of strength for me, and for those of you who know him I'm sure you are aware that he always knows just when to provide some comic relief! I always tell my girls to make sure they marry someone they can laugh a lot with. I really love that about my husband!
Of course my main source of strength comes from the Lord, and he came through for me again today with a verse from Isaiah, 41:10. I woke up thinking about it this morning, and it definitely carried me through. "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
The first time I remember reading that verse was just before I got in my car to drive five hours to Virginia Beach for my dad's open heart surgery. My friend Lindy new how worried I was, and gave me a quick call before I hit the road. "I know you're heading out," she said, "so I'm just going to say Isaiah 41:10. Look it up when you get a chance."
Of course I looked it up immediately before I left, and recited it over and over during the drive and during the surgery. That's been about eight years ago, and that verse has stuck with me and comforted me throughout many storms and trials.
Friends, if you know someone who needs a word of comfort or encouragement from the Lord, please don't hold back. Don't be afraid to offer God's Word out of fear of rejection or ridicule. You don't know what a lifeline it may truly provide for that person. Lindy had no idea when she said the words "Isaiah 41:10" to me eight years ago what a difference it was going to make to me then, and the difference it is still making eight years later. I'm just thankful that she bothered to make the call.
Now I'm off to treat myself...I think a Starbucks light mocha frappacino is in order! After all, a little taste of chocolate can be good for the soul too!
Even though it didn't hurt physically, I do have to admit to some emotional pain and tears. I was so glad Joey was with me. He's such a source of strength for me, and for those of you who know him I'm sure you are aware that he always knows just when to provide some comic relief! I always tell my girls to make sure they marry someone they can laugh a lot with. I really love that about my husband!
Of course my main source of strength comes from the Lord, and he came through for me again today with a verse from Isaiah, 41:10. I woke up thinking about it this morning, and it definitely carried me through. "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
The first time I remember reading that verse was just before I got in my car to drive five hours to Virginia Beach for my dad's open heart surgery. My friend Lindy new how worried I was, and gave me a quick call before I hit the road. "I know you're heading out," she said, "so I'm just going to say Isaiah 41:10. Look it up when you get a chance."
Of course I looked it up immediately before I left, and recited it over and over during the drive and during the surgery. That's been about eight years ago, and that verse has stuck with me and comforted me throughout many storms and trials.
Friends, if you know someone who needs a word of comfort or encouragement from the Lord, please don't hold back. Don't be afraid to offer God's Word out of fear of rejection or ridicule. You don't know what a lifeline it may truly provide for that person. Lindy had no idea when she said the words "Isaiah 41:10" to me eight years ago what a difference it was going to make to me then, and the difference it is still making eight years later. I'm just thankful that she bothered to make the call.
Now I'm off to treat myself...I think a Starbucks light mocha frappacino is in order! After all, a little taste of chocolate can be good for the soul too!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
The Blanket
Yesterday I got together with my friend Kim, who I had not seen in many months. It was nice to be able to catch up with her. Kim is always so open with her faith, and I like to think that we have a mutually encouraging relationship.
A couple of weeks ago, when I told Kim about my MS diagnosis over the phone, I shared with her how God has been reminding me constantly that "his grace is sufficient," and how that verse has become reality in my life. (see my earlier post, "I Finally Did It!") So yesterday Kim presents me with a beautiful, amazingly soft and cozy blanket which she had had embroidered with "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2nd Corinthians 12:9. This time, it was my turn to cry, because through that gift I felt God's grace wash over me and envelope me like a warm blanket yet again.
The truth is, God is at work in our lives every day, whether we choose to see it or acknowledge him or not. It's a shame that so often it takes something traumatic or life-altering for us to pay attention and draw closer to God. Today, I challenge you to begin saying a prayer that I say every morning. You'll be amazed at the ways in which God will answer, and the many places you will begin seeing him working in your own life.
The prayer is very simple:
Lord, today please give me eyes that see you, ears that hear you, a mouth to boldly proclaim you, and a heart to follow hard after you. In Jesus' name, amen.
A couple of weeks ago, when I told Kim about my MS diagnosis over the phone, I shared with her how God has been reminding me constantly that "his grace is sufficient," and how that verse has become reality in my life. (see my earlier post, "I Finally Did It!") So yesterday Kim presents me with a beautiful, amazingly soft and cozy blanket which she had had embroidered with "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2nd Corinthians 12:9. This time, it was my turn to cry, because through that gift I felt God's grace wash over me and envelope me like a warm blanket yet again.
The truth is, God is at work in our lives every day, whether we choose to see it or acknowledge him or not. It's a shame that so often it takes something traumatic or life-altering for us to pay attention and draw closer to God. Today, I challenge you to begin saying a prayer that I say every morning. You'll be amazed at the ways in which God will answer, and the many places you will begin seeing him working in your own life.
The prayer is very simple:
Lord, today please give me eyes that see you, ears that hear you, a mouth to boldly proclaim you, and a heart to follow hard after you. In Jesus' name, amen.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
"Comfortably Numb?"
Sooo, I finally made the call. The meds arrive Wednesday and the home health nurse arrives Friday to teach me and Joey (my wonderful, fantabulous husband) how to do the injections. As much as I dreaded making those arrangements and still dread the whole process, it's a relief to finally get the ball rolling.
It's interesting to me that as I get together with friends and they ask me questions or learn of my diagnosis for the first time, I find myself in the odd positions of feeling like I need to comfort them. Today I had lunch with one of my closest friends from high school and she got teary-eyed. Sunday it happened with a couple of people at church. Sometimes we just don't realize how much we are loved, and I have been so moved to see these reactions.
I can remember crying like a blubbering fool when another dear friend was preparing for a bone marrow transplant. She said that was okay, that she didn't have any tears left to cry and had reached a place of numbness. I'm beginning to understand what she meant. It's kind of funny though because I'm numb in the literal sense...numb hand, numb leg, numb foot, etc. (hee-hee!) Wasn't there a song called "Comfortably Numb?" I don't thing it was about the same thing though!
Joking aside, I'm learning first-hand that in our times of trouble, God really does walk with us and through his grace is able to bring us to a place of acceptance and peace. I'm sure I will have many more tears and fits of anger, but he will be there to comfort me. Because of that, I can be grateful for the loving tears of compassionate friends, and extend the same comfort back to them.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." (2 Corinth. 1:3-5, NIV)
It's interesting to me that as I get together with friends and they ask me questions or learn of my diagnosis for the first time, I find myself in the odd positions of feeling like I need to comfort them. Today I had lunch with one of my closest friends from high school and she got teary-eyed. Sunday it happened with a couple of people at church. Sometimes we just don't realize how much we are loved, and I have been so moved to see these reactions.
I can remember crying like a blubbering fool when another dear friend was preparing for a bone marrow transplant. She said that was okay, that she didn't have any tears left to cry and had reached a place of numbness. I'm beginning to understand what she meant. It's kind of funny though because I'm numb in the literal sense...numb hand, numb leg, numb foot, etc. (hee-hee!) Wasn't there a song called "Comfortably Numb?" I don't thing it was about the same thing though!
Joking aside, I'm learning first-hand that in our times of trouble, God really does walk with us and through his grace is able to bring us to a place of acceptance and peace. I'm sure I will have many more tears and fits of anger, but he will be there to comfort me. Because of that, I can be grateful for the loving tears of compassionate friends, and extend the same comfort back to them.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." (2 Corinth. 1:3-5, NIV)
Monday, March 10, 2008
Going Green
I have to do something today that I'm really, really dreading. I have to call the mail-order pharmacy to arrange the first shipment of my new medication. It's called Betaseron, and it's supposed to slow the progression of MS, lessening the frequency and severity of attacks.
Last week a lady from the pharmacy left me a voice-mail. She said the insurance has approved it and everything is in order, so all I have to do is call back to arrange shipment. That was last Tuesday. Today is Monday. It's not that I have forgotten to call. Quite the contrary, actually. It has been constantly on my mind, but I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it. I guess it's a form of denial, like once I actually start on the meds, it's acknowledging that this is real and I can't get away from it.
Besides the denial part, there are also the side-effects to worry about. About half the people who take this medication (and most of the other MS drugs) experience flu-like symptoms including fever, chills and body aches. Fatigue and depression are also very common side-effects. I'm praying that I fall into the OTHER half, but it certainly doesn't make me eager to start injecting myself every other day with stuff that has the potential to make me feel rotten!
It probably sounds ridiculous, but right now I think I'm more afraid of the medication than I am the disease. But it's time to get tough and be brave, because I know that fear is really a lack of trust in the Lord. As faithful as he has been to me, how can I not trust him now? So the promise of Jeremiah 17:7-8 is one to which I will cling:
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
Time to go green...I'm off the make the call.
Last week a lady from the pharmacy left me a voice-mail. She said the insurance has approved it and everything is in order, so all I have to do is call back to arrange shipment. That was last Tuesday. Today is Monday. It's not that I have forgotten to call. Quite the contrary, actually. It has been constantly on my mind, but I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it. I guess it's a form of denial, like once I actually start on the meds, it's acknowledging that this is real and I can't get away from it.
Besides the denial part, there are also the side-effects to worry about. About half the people who take this medication (and most of the other MS drugs) experience flu-like symptoms including fever, chills and body aches. Fatigue and depression are also very common side-effects. I'm praying that I fall into the OTHER half, but it certainly doesn't make me eager to start injecting myself every other day with stuff that has the potential to make me feel rotten!
It probably sounds ridiculous, but right now I think I'm more afraid of the medication than I am the disease. But it's time to get tough and be brave, because I know that fear is really a lack of trust in the Lord. As faithful as he has been to me, how can I not trust him now? So the promise of Jeremiah 17:7-8 is one to which I will cling:
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
Time to go green...I'm off the make the call.
Friday, March 7, 2008
From MS to Emmaus-part 2
Something has been nagging at me today so I felt a need to write a follow-up to yesterday's post. Is it self-serving, or an effort to grab some glory, to be writing and sharing this blog rather than keeping a private journal?
Let's take a look again at the passage in Luke 24. After the eyes of the two travelers are opened and they recognize the risen Christ before them, Christ disappears from their sight. The two ask each other "Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?"
At that point, Luke 24:33 says, "They got up and returned at once to Jerusalem. There they found the Eleven and those with them, assembled together and saying, 'It is true! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon.' Then the two told what had happened on the way, and how Jesus was recognized by them when he broke the bread."
It seems to me that the two travelers had every reason to keep all this to themselves. After all, Jesus had just been tortured and crucified! What might happen to them if they publicly associated themselves with Jesus, especially when he's just gone missing from the tomb!
But instead of making a pact to keep quiet, they "returned at once to Jerusalem," the very city where Jesus' death has occurred and danger obviously lurked for his followers. These men had just had a profound experience with the risen Christ, how could they possibly keep it to themselves? And where would we be if they had?
So, the answer to my nagging question is NO! It is not self-serving or glory-grabbing to share this blog, because my purpose is to share Christ and what he is doing in my life. My purpose is to let others know that Jesus LIVES, and because he lives, so can all of us who believe in him.
"And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life." 1 John 15:11-12 (NIV)
Thanks be to God!
Let's take a look again at the passage in Luke 24. After the eyes of the two travelers are opened and they recognize the risen Christ before them, Christ disappears from their sight. The two ask each other "Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?"
At that point, Luke 24:33 says, "They got up and returned at once to Jerusalem. There they found the Eleven and those with them, assembled together and saying, 'It is true! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon.' Then the two told what had happened on the way, and how Jesus was recognized by them when he broke the bread."
It seems to me that the two travelers had every reason to keep all this to themselves. After all, Jesus had just been tortured and crucified! What might happen to them if they publicly associated themselves with Jesus, especially when he's just gone missing from the tomb!
But instead of making a pact to keep quiet, they "returned at once to Jerusalem," the very city where Jesus' death has occurred and danger obviously lurked for his followers. These men had just had a profound experience with the risen Christ, how could they possibly keep it to themselves? And where would we be if they had?
So, the answer to my nagging question is NO! It is not self-serving or glory-grabbing to share this blog, because my purpose is to share Christ and what he is doing in my life. My purpose is to let others know that Jesus LIVES, and because he lives, so can all of us who believe in him.
"And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life." 1 John 15:11-12 (NIV)
Thanks be to God!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
From MS to Emmaus
With Easter approaching, I was drawn today to the story in Luke 24: 13-35, where the ressurrected Jesus appears to two of his followers as they are walking from Jerusalem to a village called Emmaus. The men are sorrowfully discussing the events of the last three days, Jesus' arrest, crucifixtion, and the fact that some of their women had discovered Jesus' empty tomb that very morning.
The passage says that Jesus himself approached and began walking with them, but they were kept from recognizing him, even when he asked them what they were discussing.
As they fill him on the details, they tell him they had hoped that Jesus was the one who was going to redeem Israel.
Jesus's response is "How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?"
Then Jesus begins teaching them all the Scriptures concerning himself, beginning with Moses and continuing through all the prophets.
As I read, I found myself sympathizing with the two travelers. They had high hopes for what Jesus would do as the king who would rescue Israel from her enemies and restore her to glory. But their ideas about his kingship didn't mesh with his. They wanted a mighty military warrrior, not a suffering servant.
Eventually, the three arrive in Emmaus, where the men urge Jesus to stay with them. It is there, as he gives thanks, breaks the bread and gives it to them, that their eyes are finally opened and they recognize him.
Now, I have read and heard this story dozens of times, but today it spoke to me in a new way. For the last two months on my new journey with multiple sclerosis, I confess that I have often looked to Christ to be my mighty warrior king who would not only slay the demons of self-pity, anger, grief, etc., but who would take away the suffering and restore me to glory. Did you get that? I said "restore ME to glory."
Now I'm seeking forgiveness. It's sooo not about my glory, but all about HIS. As he told the two travelers, "Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?"
Any suffering I may experience cannot even begin to compare to what Christ experienced. However, he is teaching me that my suffering, just as his, does have a purpose. And just as Christ came alongside the two travelers in the midst of their pain to teach them and open their eyes so they could truly KNOW him, so Christ has come alongside me and is revealing himself so that I too, may know him more fully.
What a gift, what a humbling! 1 Peter 5: 5-6 says "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." Romans 8 tells us that those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God, his children. "Now if we are his children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."
What a privilege, to think that we may share in the glory of Christ! No, thankfully, it's not about my glory. His is so much better, his is complete, his is forever. Praise God for loving me enough to humble me and to come alongside me and teach me on this road from MS to Emmaus.
The passage says that Jesus himself approached and began walking with them, but they were kept from recognizing him, even when he asked them what they were discussing.
As they fill him on the details, they tell him they had hoped that Jesus was the one who was going to redeem Israel.
Jesus's response is "How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?"
Then Jesus begins teaching them all the Scriptures concerning himself, beginning with Moses and continuing through all the prophets.
As I read, I found myself sympathizing with the two travelers. They had high hopes for what Jesus would do as the king who would rescue Israel from her enemies and restore her to glory. But their ideas about his kingship didn't mesh with his. They wanted a mighty military warrrior, not a suffering servant.
Eventually, the three arrive in Emmaus, where the men urge Jesus to stay with them. It is there, as he gives thanks, breaks the bread and gives it to them, that their eyes are finally opened and they recognize him.
Now, I have read and heard this story dozens of times, but today it spoke to me in a new way. For the last two months on my new journey with multiple sclerosis, I confess that I have often looked to Christ to be my mighty warrior king who would not only slay the demons of self-pity, anger, grief, etc., but who would take away the suffering and restore me to glory. Did you get that? I said "restore ME to glory."
Now I'm seeking forgiveness. It's sooo not about my glory, but all about HIS. As he told the two travelers, "Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?"
Any suffering I may experience cannot even begin to compare to what Christ experienced. However, he is teaching me that my suffering, just as his, does have a purpose. And just as Christ came alongside the two travelers in the midst of their pain to teach them and open their eyes so they could truly KNOW him, so Christ has come alongside me and is revealing himself so that I too, may know him more fully.
What a gift, what a humbling! 1 Peter 5: 5-6 says "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." Romans 8 tells us that those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God, his children. "Now if we are his children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."
What a privilege, to think that we may share in the glory of Christ! No, thankfully, it's not about my glory. His is so much better, his is complete, his is forever. Praise God for loving me enough to humble me and to come alongside me and teach me on this road from MS to Emmaus.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
I Finally Did It!
Well, here begins my first foray into the world of blogging. Actually, to be honest I did post a few things on a different site a year or so ago, but I never really felt compelled to keep up with it. This time is different, though. This time I'm blogging because God told me to.
For those who don't believe in that sort of thing, I guess that sounds a little crazy. But truth be told, my life has been a little crazy here lately. In January I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, which sent me into a bit of a tailspin. Since then, I have experienced grief, anger, frustration, pain, all the things you might expect from receiving news of a life-altering chronic illness. But what I wouldn't trade for anything is that I have also experienced God in new and powerful ways.
Due to this illness, God has blessed me and my family with a tremendous outpouring of love and support from our church family and our friends. I went an entire month without having to cook a single dinner! Now that's what I call a blessing! He has allowed us to see how much we are loved through countless cards, emails, and phone calls. Over and over again, he has gently reminded me, as he reminded the apostle Paul, that "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV)
So how do I know God wants me to blog? Well, I'm a writer at heart, a "retired" news journalist. After I gave up my career to stay home with my children 11 years ago, God led me to begin writing devotionals and inspirational talks to share at different events. In the last couple of weeks several friends of mine, each of whom live in different states and don't know each other, have urged me to start journaling or blogging my thoughts and my experiences with this illness. In my prayer time, I've also felt the Holy Spirit nudging me in this direction. All the signs are there, so I am here, at my computer, launching my blog, and I can tell them I finally did it. It will be exciting to see how God uses it, so I hereby dedicate this space to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and offer it to him for his purposes and his glory.
I hope you'll return for another visit!
For those who don't believe in that sort of thing, I guess that sounds a little crazy. But truth be told, my life has been a little crazy here lately. In January I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, which sent me into a bit of a tailspin. Since then, I have experienced grief, anger, frustration, pain, all the things you might expect from receiving news of a life-altering chronic illness. But what I wouldn't trade for anything is that I have also experienced God in new and powerful ways.
Due to this illness, God has blessed me and my family with a tremendous outpouring of love and support from our church family and our friends. I went an entire month without having to cook a single dinner! Now that's what I call a blessing! He has allowed us to see how much we are loved through countless cards, emails, and phone calls. Over and over again, he has gently reminded me, as he reminded the apostle Paul, that "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV)
So how do I know God wants me to blog? Well, I'm a writer at heart, a "retired" news journalist. After I gave up my career to stay home with my children 11 years ago, God led me to begin writing devotionals and inspirational talks to share at different events. In the last couple of weeks several friends of mine, each of whom live in different states and don't know each other, have urged me to start journaling or blogging my thoughts and my experiences with this illness. In my prayer time, I've also felt the Holy Spirit nudging me in this direction. All the signs are there, so I am here, at my computer, launching my blog, and I can tell them I finally did it. It will be exciting to see how God uses it, so I hereby dedicate this space to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and offer it to him for his purposes and his glory.
I hope you'll return for another visit!
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